Enter: Equestria
by Riclo
Summary: After finding out what happens when one takes a shotgun blast to the face, Jakar Krazstin, also known as Crazy Joe, ends up in Equestria. What will happen? Will the ponies be able to handle Jakar's crazy randomness? Or will it be too much? This would probably be considered a troll-fic.
1. Chapter 1, Enter: Equestria

**A/N: It would be wise not to take this fic seriously! This is purely for random. Other then that, enjoy. End A/N**

It was Friday night. Me and my friend Zeckos were sitting on the couch watching random crap on TV. That was until my friend got an epic idea.

"Hey Jakar! What do you think would happen if someone were to take a shotgun blast to the face?" He asked.

"I don't know man, wanna find out?"

"Hell yeah dude!"

Of course, my friend would never let me try something that stupid, but he was drunk out his mindz.

"Oooh, dude. Get the camera, we gotta film this man." He stated.

"No, you get it. I'll get the shotgun."

"Fine."

I proceeded to walk into my bedroom. _'Where the hell did I put it...'_ I opened a droor, and found it inside. _'Alright!'_ I loaded it and went back out of the room.

"You got the camera?" I asked.

"Yeah!"

"LETS DO DIS!"

We both proceeded to walk outside.

* * *

"Alright, set the camera up on the table." I said, pointing to the table.

"Ok. It's recording give me the shotgun."

I proceeded to give it to him.

"Alright, this is...shotgun...blast to face thingy." He began.

"Lol you suck and making names."

"Shud up. I canz do it. This is...Blast of shotgun. Alright, LETS DO THIZ!"

He proceeded to point at my face and shoot, missing horribly.

"That was a total fail." I stated.

"Ah shud up. I missed purposely."

"Yeah, you totally did."

"I did dude! Now shut up so I can aim straight."

He proceeded to shoot again, missing horribly yet again.

"You know what let me do it."

"No no, I can do itz. Den we can put it on youtubes. LOTS of views lols."

"YeahZ!"

He proceeded to again, finally hitting me in the face.

"OOOOH DUDE! THAT WAS FUCKED UP!" He said, but I didn't hear him. Everything was black.

"Hello?" I called out, nothing.

"Hmm, maybe nothing is a person. Oh yeah! I still have that plate of fudge in my pocket."

I pulled it out to see it had completely melted. I ate it anyway.

"That was good. Where the hell am I?"

I looked around, but all I saw was black.

"Hmm, black. The color of that stuff you find in suburbs and NYC."

I proceeded to see a light off in the distance.

"Ooh, a light. Dun dun dun duuuuun, dundun dun dddun." I eventually passed through the light.

I opened my eyes to find I was in a forest.

"Forest! I must be a link!"

I got up and looked around. Trees were everywhere, along with many animals.

"I'm just gonna run in one direction."

I proceeded to run straight.

"Oooh! An apple!"

I grabbed the apple and began eating it while continuing to run straight.

* * *

I eventually arrived at the edge of the forest. I looked ahead to see what looked like a town.

"A town!" I began to run toward it.

Within a few minutes I had arrived. Everyone here seemed to be ponies.

"Ponies!" I yelled as I ran everywhere. Upon seeing me, they began to run away.

"I, am, a briefcase!"

I noticed a purple pony running towards me.

"Hey! You wanna see if I exist?"

She looked at me like I was completely insane.

"I like ponies." I stated.

"Um, okay. What are you?" She asked me.

"I'm a briefcase!"

"...What?" She asked, wondering if she had heard me correctly.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"...I'm Twilight Sparkle. Who are you?"

"I'm Jakar. My friends say my brain resembles that of a toothbrush."

"Um...okay. Where did you come from?" She asked.

"I came from wonderland! Where you can find mansions and trays of metal food!"

"Could you please try being serious?"

"Not being serious is serious business." I said with a straight face.

"Look, why don't you come to my library. We'll try to explain things there." Twilight offered.

"Yeah!"

We both proceeded to head in the direction of the library.

**A/N: Chapter one over. Hope you enjoyed? Chapters for this shouldn't take too long lol. End A/N**


	2. Chapter 2, Twilight be mad

**A/N: Chapter two here. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

Within a few minutes we arrived. Twilight began to open the door, but I stopped her.

"Wait, I can do this."

She looked at me confusingly, but moved out of the way. Time seemed to slow down as I approached the door.

"**FUS RO DAH**!"

I kicked the door open, causing it to fly off it's hinges and narrowly avoid a greenish purple thing inside.

"Why the buck did you do that!? You almost hit Spike!" Twilight yelled at me.

I proceeded to turn to her and put on some shades.

"Deal with it."

I then walked inside of the house while taking off the shades, Twilight cautiously following behind.

"What is up with the front door?" The purplish green blob thing asked as we walked inside.

"Well, this...animal here decided it was a good idea to kick it down." Twilight replied.

"Ooh! Books!" I said as I ran up to a shelf.

"Hey! Treat those with respect!" Twilight yelled at me as I approached it.

"Of course I will! I always make sure to rip the pages carefully when I eat them." I replied as I grabbed a book.

"WHAT!?"

Twilight ran up to me and took the book out of my hand.

"DO NOT TOUCH ANY OF THESE BOOKS!" Twilight practically yelled in my face.

"Woah, woah. Calm down. I'll just have the little greenish purple thing then." I replied.

"Is he talking about me?" I heard from the back of the room.

"Don't make me do this the hard way." Twilight stated seriously.

"I thought this was already the hard way." I replied.

"That's it." Her horn began to glow.

"Oooh, I see that black stuff again. I was right, it's taking over us!"

I suddenly started to feel faint.

"Ugh, it's like when I first had Spike." Twilight mumbled.

"Hey! I heard that!"

I passed out.

* * *

I woke up to find myself tied up on a chair.

"I see your finally awake. Sorry I had to do that, but you were too out of control." Twilight stated.

"Is this a bookbrary?" I asked.

"Um...this is a library." Twilight replied.

"I love libraries! The books are always so tasty!" I yelled out.

"You better mean 'tasty with knowledge'. I don't want you to touch ANY of these books, okay?"

"...Oh, what?" I asked, looking back at her. "I was too busy looking at that freaky owl."

Twilight just sighed. "Look. I just want to know-"

"Twilight! You might want to come in here." I heard being called from the other room.

"Not now Spike! I'm trying to find out where this animal came from."

"It's kind of important!"

"Ugh, fine. I'll be right back." Twilight said, walking into the other room.

I looked back at the owl, who was still staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Who."

"And?"

"Who."

"Ooh, I get it. You want the animal food hidden in Twilight's basement?"

"WHO!"

"No."

The owl then looked mad. He got up and began to fly at me, pecking my face.

"Hey stop it! Don't make me get out of here!"

He continued to peck my face.

"Alright."

I proceeded to jump out of the chair. I then grabbed the owl.

"You're about to find out where owls go when they get trapped somewhere." I stated.

"Who! Who!"

I proceeded to walk towards a box. I opened it and put him inside, quickly closing it afterwards.

"Done with that."

I looked around again. My eyes targeted the rope Twilight was using to tie me down. An epic plan then formed in my head.

I grabbed the rope, and tied it to a bookcase.

I then began to walk out, but then realized I was forgetting something.

"Right. Don't want to leave hungry."

I grabbed a random book and ripped a few pages out carefully. Then proceeded to eat them.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" I heard being yelled from the other room.

_'Better run!'_

I ran out the front door, which seem to have been fixed, making sure not to forget the rope. I hid and watched as I saw Twilight storming into the room. I proceeded to pull the rope, causing the bookcase to fall.

"PS! Your owl is trapped in the box!" I yelled as I began to run, laughing all the way.

"GET BACK HERE NOW!" I heard being screamed from inside, causing me to run away faster. I quickly found a tree and ran up it. I proceeded to hide in it and watch Twilight storm out of the house.

"WHERE IS HE!?" I heard her yell.

"I'm not here!" I yelled back.

She proceeded to look in the direction of the tree.

_'Probably shouldn't of done that.'_

Before I could even do anything, I had already began to feel faint. I passed out shortly afterwards.

**A/N: Chapter two over. How you enjoyed. Next one shouldn't take too long. End A/N**


	3. Chapter 3, Interrogation

**A/N: Chapter three here. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

I woke up to find myself in a chair again. This time with metal chains binding me.

"If I ever catch you doing ANYTHING with my books again, you will NOT get off so easily." Twilight greeted me as I woke up.

"Why do you care? Books are made to eat. The stuffs on the inside is useless." I replied.

"You mean you don't know how to read?"

"Reading to me is like trying to fight off waves of incoming floating lamps with machine guns."

"I take that as you don't like to read?"

"Not at all. They taste great though!"

"How can a book even have a good taste?"

"ITS GOOD STUFZ. Now untie me so I can do some things and some stuffs."

"NO. Not until you at least tell me who you are and where you came from so I can send you back."

"I'm Jakar Krazstin. I came from your moms basement."

"...What? Did you really come from my mother's basement?"

"Maybe I did?"

"Ugh, please Jakar. Be SERIOUS here. Where did you come from so I can get you out of here."

"I dunno." I replied quickly.

"You really don't know where you came from?" Twilight responded, a lot of doubt in her voice.

"WHERE I CAME FROM I TOOK A SHOTGUN TO DA FACE YO! IT WAS FUCKIN EPIC!" I suddenly yelled.

"Try to calm down, Jakar. Please, for the love of Celestia. Tell me where you came from."

"Ooh, you were ultimately pissed at me a few minutes ago, and now you begging me to tell you something. How cuuuute."

"Hey! Stop it! Just tell me where you came from!"

"That mom's basement idea is still floating around, no?"

"You did not come from my mom's basement. Just tell me where you came from, or I will force it out of you."

"You can force stuff out of people? I once did that. That toilet never worked again..."

"That's it. I can't take this anymore." Her horn suddenly began to glow. I then felt a strange sensation in my head.

"Aaah!" Twilight yelled. Her horn quickly stopped glowing, and the sensation in my head stopped. She then just looked at me.

"Wut."

"How can you even live like that? You head is so...disorganized and random. How..." She trailed off.

"WITH THE POWERS BESTOWED UPON ME BY THE HOLY GOO GOO MAN, I WILL GET OUT OF THIS BORING PLACE!" I proceeded to jump while still in the chair. I only went up a few feet, then fell, slamming my head to the ground and knocking me out.

* * *

I opened my eyes to find myself to still be in the library. However, there was a huge pony here, more like a horse.

"I just don't know where it came from. I found it running around yelling it was a briefcase." I overheard Twilight saying.

"Hmm, very strange. You said you were inside it's mind, correct?" The white horse with the flowing mane replied.

"Yes. It was such a disaster of randomness and disorganized thoughts...It was like Pinkie Pie, but lots worse!"

"Let me see if I could get in."

The white horse began to approach me, but then I got an epic idea.

"I wanna ride you!" I yelled, jumping up from the metal chains. Countless times I've had to do that lol. The white horse stumbled back, but I jumped on it.

"YEAH! LETS GO RIDIN AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF FAGGOT COWBOYS IN OLD WESTERN TIMEZ! SHOOTEMUP!" I yelled as I slapped the horse across the side.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight yelled as she tried to get me off.

Suddenly I began to feel very faint. I passed out shortly afterwards.

* * *

I woke up to find myself pinned to the wall by a magic force.

"Again, I'm terribly sorry for that. I had no idea! I thought it was securely trapped by the chains!" Twilight apologized to the white horse.

"It is alright my student. I should've been more careful. At least no damage was done." The white horse replied.

"Why am I trapped? I wanna ride horsey!" I spoke up.

The two then turned their attention to me.

"Let me try again." The white horse said, walking toward me.

Her horn glowed, and my head began to feel strange. This continued for a few minutes, before finally it stopped.

"This is definitely the most bizarre mind I have ever seen. I don't know how one could live like that." The white horse said.

"What did you find?" Twilight asked.

"It comes from a place called earth. It seems to have been always this insane. It also never even passed third grade."

"How did it get here?"

"It seemed to of died. I do not understand how it would end up here though."

While they continued blabbing about random stuff, I tried to think of a way to get out of here.

"Twilight!" I called out.

"What is it?" She responded.

"Get me out of here. Den I'll buy u somethin."

"Not until you can be trusted."

_'Damnit'_

I eventually noticed that the magic force was pushing me against the wall, not holding me in place. I came up with an epic idea.

"HOLY SHIT LOOK BEHIND YOU IT'S SLENDERMAN!" I yelled.

They both then looked behind them. Then I punched the wall behind me, causing it to break and have me fall through. I proceeded to get up and start running. Unfortunately I felt faint again.

"For such an insane mind it sure can think well."

I then passed out, again.

**A/N: Chapter three over. Hope you enjoyed. Next one should be up in a few days. End A/N**


	4. Chapter 4, Pancakes

**A/N: Chapter four here. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

I woke up to find myself back in the library. This time however I wasn't tied up.

"Ooh! Now I can have some books!"

"DO NOT TOUCH ANY OF THE BOOKS!" I heard Twilight yell.

"Aww...I want some books."

"If you want to have something to eat, I can make you something."

"Can you make me some books?"

"NO."

"What about the greenish thingy?"

"Is that really what I look like?" I heard from across the room. Twilight just sighed.

"I'll go make you something. Spike, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Twilight said as she walked out of the room.

It was now me, that greenish purple thing Twilight calls Spike, and the owl who was still very pissed at me.

"BOO!" I yelled.

"AAHHH!" Spike screamed as he ran out of the room.

I proceeded to grab a book.

_'Finally.'_

"Spike!? What are you doing in here?" I heard from the other room.

"He scared me."

"DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY BOOKS HE COULD'VE DESTROYED BY NOW!?"

I went to rip out a page, but remembered what happened last time.

_'Fuck it.'_

As I went to rip out a few pages, the books suddenly levitated out of my hand.

"I SAID NOT TO TOUCH ANY OF THESE BOOKS!" Twilight shouted at me.

"They're too tempting to eat!"

"It seems I have to watch you myself. Spike, you go make something. You can have all the ice cream you want afterwards."

"Really!?"

"Yes, now go make something please."

"Right on it!" Spike proceeded to run into the other room.

Twilight just stared at me.

"Why do you keep staring at me? Do you like me?" I stated.

"W-what!? Of course not! How...?"

"I know you do."

"That is absurd! You're more annoying than Pinkie Pie at times."

"Who's Pinkie Pie? Is it a talking Pie?"

"What? No."

"Why would someone be named after a pie? Then again I had that one friend who was named Jizza Cumalot."

"Who."

"Shut up owl!" I yelled.

"Hey! Be nice to him." Twilight replied.

"He pecked the shit outa me!"

"Deal with it. How does that sound?"

"It sounds leik a novice trying to be kool."

"What?"

"Nothing. Can I have a book now?"

"NO."

"I'll tell you a secret."

"NO."

"Fine. I'll have the owl then."

"WHO!"

"Don't touch the owl!"

"Why?"

"Just don't!"

"Fine. But I want some Final Battle's afterwards."

* * *

Spike finally yelled "It's ready!" From the other room.

"C'mon Jakar, lets go eat so you could leave my books alone." Twilight said, walking into the other room.

_'Oh, that won't stop me.'_

I went over to a book and ripped a few pages out, very quietly with a troll faceish grin.

_'For later.'_ I proceeded to put them in my pocket.

"What's taking you so long?" I heard Twilight yelled from the other room.

"You gotta taste these! This book, Rare Spells! It's ve-" Before I could even finish Twilight ran into the room, a look of pure hatred.

"PUT THAT BOOK DOWN OR YOU WILL BUCKING REGRET IT!" She screamed so loud the other side of the world could've heard it.

"I was just kidding, crazy bitch." I said, mumbling the last words.

"Don't EVER do that! And what did you call me?"

"Not important."

Twilight just shrugged it off. We both proceeded to walk into the other room, Twilight making sure I was following.

I looked inside to see Spike had made pancakes.

"Ooh! Pancakes!" I yelled, running toward them.

The tray of pancakes suddenly glowed, then levitated up.

"Hey!" I said, jumping up, trying to get it.

"Get over here you fuckin pancakes!" I yelled.

"I'll bring them down if you promise me you'll eat them NORMALLY." Twilight stated.

"I thought that was normally."

"No, it wasn't."

"Wait, I know that you are the disliker."

"What?"

I jumped up and grabbed the tray of pancakes.

"Hey! Give those back!" Twilight yelled as I ran out of the room. However she didn't follow.

"I can't believe Princess Celestia assigned me to watch over this crazy thing while she finds out how to send it back." I heard her say from inside.

_'Yaaa, I got mah pancakes.'_ I proceeded to start eating them all.

**A/N: Chapter four over. Hope you enjoyed. Next one shouldn't take too long. End A/N**


	5. Chapter 5,Twilight be mad again

**A/N: Chapter five here. The seemingly well awaited meeting with Pinkie Pie is also in this chapter. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

I finished eating the pancakes.

_'Time to go outside.'_

I ran over to the front door. However when I went to open it, it was locked.

"I'm not letting you leave this library until you become sane." Twilight stated, who seemed to be in the room. She just looked at me, until she realized what I was about to do.

"**FUS RO DAH!**" I shouted as I kicked the door open, causing it to fly off it's hinges and narrowly avoid a few ponies outside. I proceeded to run out.

"Hey! Get back here!" Twilight yelled, running after me.

I went to the side and jumped up into the library tree. I hid in there and watched Twilight. She looked around, before running up to a pony. They exchanged words, then the pony pointed where I was.

"Damnit." I said as I tried to get deeper inside the tree.

"Jakar! Get down from there now!" Twilight shouted.

"No! You won't give me any books!"

"I'm not giving you any books, because then you'll eat them!"

"Then I'm not coming down!"

"Don't make me go up there."

"Fine! I'll come down if you give me those Final Battle's."

"What...? How do I give you a Final Battle?"

"Forget it. Your puny intelligence can't figure it out."

"What? How am I the non-intelligent one? Ugh, darnit just get down from there!"

"Fine! But you WILL give me some Final Battle's." I proceeded to jump, aiming straight for Twilight.

"Hey! Watch ou-" She was interrupted when I landed on her.

"What? You told me to get down. Now gimme cookies."

There was no response.

"GIMME MY FUCKING COOKIES!"

Still no response.

"Fine, I'll let you get up." I proceeded to get off her. However, she wasn't moving.

"I WANT MY GOD DAMN COOKIES!" I shouted in her face.

Still no response.

"Twilight?"

Still no response.

"She must be sleeping. Damn crazy bitch must've finally passed out."

I looked ahead to many ponies staring.

_'I'll get my cookies from them.'_ I proceeded to run up to one and grabbed her.

"GIVE ME COOKIES!" I shouted in her face.

"AAAAHHHH!" She screamed as she managed to get away from me.

I looked and saw a pink pony bouncing toward me. I proceeded to run over to her.

"GIVE ME COOKIES!" I shouted in her face.

"Okay doike lokie!" She responded, giving me three cookies. I looked at them in awe.

"COOOOOKIES!" I grabbed them and ate them all quickly.

"MORE COOKIES!"

"Okay, but you don't need to shout silly, I'm right here!"

"COOKIES!"

She proceeded to give me three more cookies. I quickly ate them all.

"You're funny. What are you called?"

"I'm Jakar."

"I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"You're the talking pie!"

"I'm a talking pie?"

"I thought you were."

"For a second I thought I was going to have to check in the mirror!"

She then looked over at Twilight.

"What happened to Twilight?" She asked.

"She fell asleep when I jumped on her."

"Silly Twilight. She spends too much time studying."

"And she won't let me eat books!"

"You eat books? I didn't know you could eat books!"

"They're tasty!"

"I'll have to try some later! Well, I gotta go!"

"Wait, can you give me some Final Battle's?"

"Sure! Here ya go!" She replied, giving me some.

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled, jumping up into the air while punching the sky.

"Oooh! I can do that too!" Pinkie replied, suddenly jumping. I watched as she jumped at least over 50 feet in the air, going higher and higher.

"Man she on crack."

I proceeded to walk back into the library, leaving Twilight to sleep.

"Where's Twilight?" Spike asked as I walked inside.

"Sleeping outside." I replied.

Spike looked at me confused, before walking outside. I heard him cry out her name.

"She's just sleeping. Damn. OOh! Now I can have some books."

I ran up to a shelf. I grabbed a random book, ripping a bunch of papers out and eating them. I ripped a few more out then put them in pocket. _'Actually, I should take them allz while I canz!'_ I proceeded to rip out all of the pages, stuffing them in my pockets.

"YEAH!" I shouted. I proceeded to put the book away.

"Hmm, now what?" I looked around. I noticed Twilight and Spike walking in.

"She wasn't sleeping you bucking idiot! You knocked her out when you jumped on her!" Spike yelled at me.

"She told me to jump!" I responded.

"Don't worry about it Spike. He's too stupid to even know. Just let it go." Twilight said.

"B-but-"

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine. Now I need to work on making this insane animal sane."

"I AM UNSANE!" I suddenly screamed, jumping up and punching a hole in the roof.

"Could you PLEASE stop being so destructive?" Twilight asked, pretty pissed.

"Why? You never gave me my final battle's! I had to get them from Pinkie!"

"I don't know how to give you a final battle! Only Pinkie would know what that is, so I'm not surprised."

"You also won't let me have any books!"

"For the love of Celestia, you are NOT having any books. And you WON'T be. Just have something else."

"Fine."

"Now, I'm going to be staying in here watching you. Be-"

"Watching me? You creepy stalker, we could just do it in the closet!"

"W-what!? NO! Ugh, just, try to ignore him."

"Twilight, what did he mean by, 'do it in the c-'"

"HE MEANT NOTHING!" Twilight replied loudly.

"Oh...ok then." He responded, walking away.

"Ugh now look what you did! You made Spike mad."

"I didn't do nothin yo, u yelled at him."

"Forget it." She replied, grabbing a book, specifically the one I just ripped the pages out of.

_'Oh shit.'_

"I'm just going to try to relax, and read the brand new magic book I just got...?" She opened the book.

...

"**JAKAR! YOU BUCKING SON OF A PITCH! I'M GOING TO BUCKING KILL YOU!**"

**A/N: Chapter five over. Hope you enjoyed. Also, now accepting ideas! If you have an idea to this story, say it in a review or PM, and if I like it, I'll add it, giving you credit for the idea in the A/N. End A/N**


	6. Chapter 6, Sugacube corna

**A/N: Chapter six here. Hope you enjoyzez... End A/N**

"Wahoo!" I yelled, running out of the room.

"GET BACK HERE NOW!" Twilight screamed.

"Noooo!" I proceeded to keep running.

"I SPENT **TWO MOTHER BUCKING MONTHS** TRYING TO GET THAT BOOK! YOU ARE GOING TO PAY!"

I noticed a door that wasn't the front door. I quickly opened it and went inside, closing it.

_'Whew, gone from the crazy book-loving bitch. Where amz I?'_

I looked around, I could barely see a thing.

"Damnit. At least I can see without light." I suddenly jumped up in the air, causing the room to brighten up.

There appeared to be many strange devices.

"WHERE ARE YOU!?" I heard being screamed from outside the door.

"Betta runz." I ran up to a wall and kicked it, causing nothing to happen.

"That didn't work. I need FUDGE."

I grabbed some more fudge from my pocket and threw it at the wall. The fudge denigrated through the wall, leaving a hole.

"Perfecta." I proceeded to walk over to the hole. I walked inside, to see a chest in the middle. I walked over to it. There appeared to be a note. I picked it up and read it.

"Dear Twilight Sparkle. If you are reading this, then Equestria is in total ruin. If not, than whatever fuck you read this anyway. Inside this chest is-"

"JAKAR!" I heard from the door. I looked over to see Twilight looking at me with a rage face.

"Oh noes." I stated.

"THERE YOU ARE! WHAT YOU DID TO MY BOOK IS UNACCEPTABLE! YOU ARE GOING TO BE wait, what are you doing?" Twilight suddenly asked, surprising me. "I've never seen that room before." She proceeded to walk over to me, levitating me and throwing me out of the way.

"Bitch." I mumbled.

I watched as she read the note. A few minutes later, she turned to me.

"How did you find this?" She asked.

"I THROUGH FUDGE AT TEH WALL."

"Okay...The note reads that inside this chest is a message. Do you think I should open it?"

"I once opened a chest, I got air. GO AHEAD! TRY AND BEAT ME!"

"I'll take that as a yes." She proceeded to open the chest. She levitated the note and read it aloud.

"Sometimes one has to bend the rules to find the truth. What do you suppose that means?" She asked.

"IT MEANS THAT SOMETIMES ONE MUST LOOK INTO THE TOILET TO FIND THE ANSWERS. EVEN IF IT MAY STINK LOTS." I replied.

"Why do I even ask for your advice?"

"Because you leik me."

"I-I don't like you! You're completely insane and not even a pony! AND you destroyed my book!"

"That doesn't change nuddin."

"Just stop it! I'll send this to Princess Celestia, maybe she can give me a better meaning." She proceeded to begin walking up to the door. I followed. We both proceeded to step into the main room, Twilight closing the door.

"Can I have a boo-"

"NO! FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! NO, GOSH, DARN, BOOKS!" Twilight screamed in my face.

"Fine, fine." I replied. Although my better judgment told me to still have books, I decided not to bring it up anymore.

Twilight proceeded to walk over to a pedestal, beginning to write some kind of note. I looked around to see if I could find something. My eyes came across books, being that was pretty much the only thing in this library.

_'This place is gay.'_ I proceeded to head over to the front door. As I neared it, I suddenly began to levitate away from it.

"No, Jakar. You're not going outside until your mind becomes sane. You're too dangerous." Twilight said, still writing her note.

"Alright." I responded. I proceeded to go upstairs. I walked over to the balcony and jumped off, landing outside.

"Trollololololz." I proceeded to head into town.

As I walked into town, ponies ran away at the sight of me. I didn't blame them. Being stuck in that library must've made me smell like the inside of a cupboard that's been in 120* weather for three hours. I eventually came across a house the looked like a giant gingerbread house.

"YEEEAAAH!" I screamed as I ran toward it. I proceeded to try to bite a chunk, leaving some of my teeth on it.

"OWW! Da fuq kind of candy is this?"

Suddenly that pink pony came out of the building.

"Silly! You can't eat that! I've already tried." She said, looking over at me.

"WHY WOULD SOMEONE MAKE SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE CANDY, YET CAN'T EAT IT!?" I shouted out.

"I never figured that out...Ooh! While you're here, do you want some cupcakes? I can make special ones just for you!"

"I would be mother fucking honored."

We both proceeded to walk into the building.

"There you are Pinkie...what is that?" Some pony behind the counter asked.

"This is Jakar! He's one of my new friends!" Pinkie answered.

I proceeded to put on shades, but said nothing.

"Um...isn't that the animal that's been terrorizing the whole town?" The pony proceeded to ask.

"That's all just a misconception." I began. "You see, they were going to obtain the services of a very reputable symphonic orchestra in Tellius, and everything was going quite well. Just when they were about to finalize the arrangement though, when they asked for Ike's approval, he replied 'You'll get no symphony from me.'"

The pony just looked at me in confusion.

"I'm going to be making him some special cupcakes!" Pinkie exclaimed, dashing into the kitchen.

It was now just me and the other pony, who was still just looking at me.

"Are you just going to stand there? Why don't you take a seat?" The pony said, pointing to a seat.

I proceeded to take my shades off while looking at her in the eye, but said nothing and continued standing there.

"Here ya go!" Pinkie yelled, zooming out of the kitchen and handing me a tray of cupcakes, with rainbow frosting and a dash of sprinkles.

"Cupcakes!" I proceeded to eat them all very quickly.

"Wow! No one has ever eaten as fast as me before!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"It's all in the anus."

"Correct!"

Suddenly the door behind us busted open. I quickly looked behind me to see Twilight.

"Pinkie! Have you seen..." She trailed off when she saw me.

"Ah, kicking down doors like me now are you?" I stated.

"Jakar! Get back to the library this instant! I can only imagine how much trouble you've caused already..." Twilight replied, ignoring my comment.

"He hasn't caused any trouble at all!" Pinkie began. "He only tried to eat the building! But I told him that I already tried to do that and it didn't work, so then we both went into here and I made him some special cupcakes that he ate almost as fast as me!" She finally ended, talking faster every second.

"I guess I got lucky then. Jakar, we're going back to the library." Twilight stated.

"Pretzels!" I replied. We both proceeded to head back to the library.

**A/N: Chapter six over. Hope you enjoyed. Also, still accepting ideas. End A/N**


	7. Chapter 7, Random

**A/N: Chapter seven here. ENJOYZ NOWSZZZ! End A/N**

We arrived at the library. Twilight began to open the door, but I stopped her.

"Wait, I can do this." I stated.

"No! You're not kicking down the door again." Twilight replied.

"I'm not doing that."

"Then what are you doing?"

I proceeded to walk up to the door, time beginning to slow down.

"FALCOLWN..."

"What are you-"

"**PAWNCH!**" I shouted, punching the door and causing it to fly off it's hinges.

"Jakar! What the buck!"

"I'm punching it down." I replied, putting on a top hat for some reason I had.

"Ugh, darnit. Now I gotta fix the door, again." Twilight responded.

We both proceeded to walk inside the house.

"Twilight! Princess Celestia replied to your letter!" Spike called out, running up to Twilight with the letter.

"Thank you Spike." Twilight replied, taking the letter from him by magic.

Twilight proceeded to read the letter to herself. Meanwhile, I went over to Spike.

"Spike." I said to him.

"Um, what?" Spike asked.

"Give me a vacuum of space."

"What is that?"

"Space."

"Space? You mean like outer space?"

"Myspace. Haha! What a failed site."

"I don't get what you're trying to-"

"Express Gate."

"What about an Express Gate?"

"Chuck Norris."

"Ah forget it. Trying to understand you is like trying to understand Twilight's explanations." Spike said, walking off.

"You are weak, Spike! You will never stop the matrix!"

"Ugh, you have got to be kidding me." Twilight suddenly said. I proceeded to look over to her.

"Eh?"

"Princess Celestia estimated it'll be about a week before she finds and masters the spell to put you back where you came from." Twilight stated.

"Andso?"

"I have to deal with YOU for an entire week!"

"Awut?"

"Look, it's starting to get late. It's already 7:00 PM. You should go to bed now. I have one upstairs." Twilight said.

I proceeded to take off my top hat for no reason while looking at Twilight in the eye.

"...Aren't you going to say something?" Twilight asked.

"Gamestop. HAHAHAHA! PtfhhahahahahaHAHAHA! OH my fucking god PthHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What...?"

"You don't get it. Now BUY ME SOMETHING!"

"No. Now go to bed. It's 7:00."

"Seven? Seven ball of a pool table!"

"Jakar. Go to- ah forget it." I suddenly began to float.

"Ey! You maggot! Now get down and gimme 50!"

"It seems I can't tell you to do anything." Twilight said to herself, walking upstairs with me levitating up them.

"Twilight." I said.

"What." Twilight replied, seemingly un-interested.

"Put me down. And I will give you, the antidote."

"The antidote to wha..." She suddenly passed out.

"Heh, thank you Captain Crunch!" I stated.

_'No problem matey!'_ Was heard in my head.

I proceeded to pick up Twilight and throw her on one of the beds.

_'Now to find the space.'_ I proceeded to go down-stairs.

"Hey, where is Twilight?" Spike asked as I walked down.

"She's inside a helmet." I replied.

"What...? Ugh, forget it." Spike responded, walking back into the room.

I proceeded to run up into one of the walls. I jumped through it, landing in empty space.

_'Now I need to get the bucket.'_

I went through the blackness, until I got the bucket. I proceeded to see Pinkie Pie.

"Jakar?" She asked, looking at me.

"Cupcakes!"

"Yaay!"

We proceeded to have a short party. Afterwards I jumped back through the wall into the library, with the bucket and a few cupcakes. Spike proceeded to walk into the room.

"Where did you get all of that?" Spike asked in confusion.

Upon realizing it, I had no idea what the fuck I just did.

"Five years ago, in the-"

"Forget it. Not even going to get involved." Spike interrupted, walking back into the other room.

I proceeded to go back upstairs. I placed the cupcakes next to Twilight, and shoved the bucket under the bed for no apparent reason.

I proceeded to go into the bed, taking off one of my shoes and tieing it to my forehead for an unknown reason. I then layed down and eventually fell asleep.

**A/N: Chapter seven over. Probably not that much memorable moments, but damnit. Next chapter has Lyra Heartstrings, and all her humany stuff. End A/N**


	8. Chapter 8, Lyra Heartstrings

**A/N: Chapta eight here. Hope ye enjoyz. End A/N**

I woke up to find myself in a bed. I took of the shoe that was tied to my head and put it back on my foot. I proceeded to look over to the other bed to see Twilight, still sleeping.

_'Perfect.'_

I then came to a dilemma. Scare the flying fuck out of her, or sneak out.

_'I, choose, both!'_

I proceeded to get the bucket back from under my bed. I quietly walked downstairs, then walked into the kitchen. I went over to the sink and began to fill it up. After it filled, I walked back into the main room to find the rope Twilight was using to tie me up. I went over to it and tied it to the bucket. I proceeded to quietly walk up the stairs.

I placed the bucket directly above Twilight, then went over to the balcony. I jumped off, yanking the rope with me.

"AAAAHHHH!" I heard being screamed from inside.

I dropped the rope and quickly looked for a place to hide. I noticed a house not that far from here.

"JAKAR! THERE HAD BETTER BE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS!"

_'Better run.'_ I proceeded to run toward the house. I quickly opened the front door and stepped inside. I closed the door, and looked to see a pony with a aquamarinish coat and hair, along with orangeish eyes. On closer inspection, it appeared to be another unicorn.

_'God fucking n-'_

"There you are!" She said, surprising me.

"You were expecting me?" I asked, not confused.

"I saw you running around in town! You're a human, aren't you?" The pony replied.

"I'm a briefcase."

"What?"

"I think I'm a briefcase. Or was it a dining table?"

"Wow! I can't believe it! An actual human in my house!"

"You have crush on human?"

"What? Um...no. I've just, never seen one IRL before!"

"IRL. Where did you get that." I asked, putting on shades.

"That's a meme! Isn't it? With the shades."

"Meme? Meme, mine, mining, gems, socks, cracked teeth." I suddenly pointed at her. "You, you know a lot. Are you that guy I saw throwing 25 pound weights at people?"

"I'm not a guy! I'm Lyra Heartstrings. And I don't know anyone who was throwing weights." She replied.

"Close enough." I proceeded to put on another pair of shades.

"I still can't believe it! An actual human in my house! How did you get here?" She proceeded to ask.

"I TOOK A FUCKIN SHOTGUN BLAST TO THE FACE!" I yelled.

"Then you're Jakar!"

I proceeded to put on another pair of shades. "How did you know." I stated for some reason very seriously.

"You're on youtube! Over fifty million views! Check it out." She proceeded to run into another room.

_'Something isn't right here.'_ I proceeded to put on yet another pair of shades. _'Youtube? YEEAAAH! I get to see myself take a shotgun to the face!'_ I then went into the room Lyra went in. Upon closer inspection, I noticed this house looked like a house back on earth. I noticed a computer, along with the youtube video up.

"Here it is." She proceeded to move out of the way. I went over to the chair and sat down. The video began playing.

"Ok. It's recording give me the shotgun." I heard. I watched as I gave him the shotgun. I began to smile, remember this ever so epic moment.

"Alright, this is...shotgun...blast to face thingy." Zeckos began.

"Lol you suck and making names." I heard in the background, being me.

"Shud up. I canz do it. This is...Blast of shotgun. Alright, LETS DO THIZ!" He proceeded to pump the shotgun, aiming, shooting, and missing horribly.

I proceeded to watch the rest of the video. Eventually it came to the part where he finally hit me.

"YeahZ!"

He then shot.

"OOOOH DUDE! THAT WAS FUCKED UP!" Him, and me watching yelled at the screen.

"Oooh my fucking god! That was completely fucked up! Oh my godz...Now youtubez!" He walked over to the camera, the video ending afterwards.

"That was epic!" I loudly stated.

"I know! And I can't believe you're actually here, right now!" Lyra responded.

I scrolled down to see one of the top comments, 896 likes.

_'Looks like he just got...*Puts on shades* Shotgunned.'_

I proceeded to look at the other one. 241 likes.

_'I can't believe it. Over fifty million views, and they like it! I am disappointed in this generation- oh wait, it's one of those gay ones.'_

I proceeded to look over at Lyra.

"How you get dis computer?" I asked.

"I asked Pinkie Pie for one. I don't know where she got it though..."

_'Makes sense.'_

Suddenly I heard the front door from the other room burst open.

"Lyra!? Have you seen a strange animal walking on two legs?" I heard Twilight call from the other room.

"Oh shit."

"What is it?"

Suddenly Twilight walked into the room.

"There you are Jakar! I've been looking all over the darn town for you!" Twilight stated. "What you did to me this morning was unacceptable!"

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" I yelled. Suddenly the music started.

"What?"

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!"

"That doesn't make any-"

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!"

"Memes!" Lyra spoke up.

"Ugh, forget it." Suddenly I began to levitate.

"DAMNIT! IT'S JELLY BUTTER PEANUT TIME!"

She proceeded to go out the front door, me levitating with her.

**A/N: Chapter eight ova. Hope you enjoyed. Forget what next one is about...anyway next one should be up in a week. Remember, still accepting ideas. If someone posts an idea that intrigues me, I'll put it up, giving them credit in the end. End A/N**


	9. Chapter 9, Mind-fucking

**A/N: Chapter nine here. Hope you enjoi. Twilight tries to fix Jakar lulz. End A/N**

"I am getting sick of you running off!" Twilight said as we walked into the library.

"Why? Too many do-it-youselfs?" I replied.

"Why can't you just stay here?"

"This place is bad. Seven years ago, in this very spot, someone became useless."

"Ugh, forget it. I'm going to work on trying to make you insane mind sane."

"I SAID I WAS UNSANE YOU FORGETFUL FANK!"

She proceeded to pull out a magic book. While she was reading something, I ate some of the pages I had. Surprisingly she didn't notice. When I was done she looked up at me.

"Alright, Jakar. From this moment on, you will become sane." Her horn began to glow. I suddenly felt a strange sensation in my head, like someone was violating me sexually in my eye socket.

This continued for a few minutes. Eventually it stopped, and I felt...lustful.

"Alright, Jakar. If I did the spell correctly you should now be sane."

Part of that was true. For once in my life I could actually focus on something for more then 1/4 a second. But, something was different. I felt, incredibly...lustful. I looked at Twilight.

"Jakar?"

"You wanna do it? We can let Spike watch..."

"What!? I must've done the spell wrong. Let me-" She was cut off by me running over to her.

"AAAHH!"

"What is going on!?" Spike yelled running into the room.

Suddenly a realization donned upon me.

"Wait..." I started. "Why didn't Twilight do this to me when Celestia was here? I was stuck against the wall. They could've made my mind sane right then, with the help of Celestia. That is a major hole in this story. Ah who the fuck cares." I proceeded to run after Twilight.

"Get away from me Jakar!" Twilight yelled. I suddenly began to levitate.

"Hey! Stop floating me and we could do a threesome!" I was then pinned against the wall.

"WE ALL WANNA FUCK AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"Twilight? What is he-"

"Spike, get out of here now. Don't listen to anything he's saying. I'll fix him." Twilight interrupted. She began to look over the spell again.

While I shouted many inappropriate things, Twilight eventually started doing the spell.

Like last time, I felt the hurtful feeling of being fucked in the eye. This continued for a few minutes, until if finally stopped. This time I felt...angry.

"Alright. You should no longer be-"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DAMN BITCH!" I interrupted.

"Jakar!? What the buck!?"

"WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU FUCKING SON OF A BASTARD! YOU WON'T LET ME EAT ANY GOD DAMNED BOOKS AND YOU WON'T LET ME GO OUTSIDE! YOU ARE A FUCKING JACKASS TROLL WHO LIVES OFF OTHERS MISFORTUNES!"

"It has to be something with the spell." Twilight proceeded to start it again.

"GO AHEAD! FUCK ME UP MORE STUPID BITCH! AHHH YES THAT FUCKING FEELING OF BEING FUCKED IN THE EYE FEELS FUCKIN GREAT TWI!" Thankfully I began to calm down. This continued for a few minutes. This time Twilight just looking at me to make sure nothing else happened. This time I felt...killful.

"Jakar?" She asked.

"Yes?" I replied.

"Finally, I think I did it right. You should be sane." I was then levitated down.

"I'm going to go in the kitchen for a bit." I said walking into it.

"Um...alright." Twilight replied.

I opened up a droor and pulled out a kitchen knife.

_'Time to die.'_

I proceeded to go back into the other room. I began to sneak up on Twilight. As I was about to strike, I heard someone knock on the door. I quickly got back and slid the knife in my pocket. Twilight then walked over to the door. She opened it, revealing Pinkie Pie.

"Hiya! Is Jakar here?" Pinkie asked.

"Yes he is. I just finished making his mind sane." Twilight replied. Pinkie then hopped over to me.

"Hiya Jakar! Here, I made you some cupcakes!" She proceeded to pull out a tray of cupcakes out of nowhere.

"Thank you, I'll have them later." I replied, putting them off to the side.

"Pinkie. Can you entertain Jakar for awhile? I need to talk to Spike about some things he may have heard."

"Okay doikie loike!" Pinkie responded as Twilight went upstairs.

"So, Jakar!" Pinkie began turning toward me. "What do you want to do? Do you want to read books? Or eat them? Do you want more cupcakes? Do you want to play a game?"

"Yes, Pinkie. Lets play a game." I replied.

"You're awfully acting weird Jakar! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Pinkie. Now, for the game. Close your eyes and turn around."

"Okay doikie lokie!" She proceeded to turn around. I then got the knife out.

_'One down.'_ As I was about to stab her, Twilight came back down.

"Oh, I forgot. Have you seen..." She stopped when she saw me.

_'Fuck.'_

"Pinkie! Look out behind you!" Twilight yelled.

"What is it?" She proceeded to look behind her. Her eyes went wide when she saw the knife.

"Oooh! You want to cut the cupcakes?" Suddenly I began to levitate, dropping the knife.

"Hey! Put me down Twilight!" I yelled. I was then pinned against the wall.

"Phew...that was close. Pinkie, are you alright?" Twilight asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

"I'm super duper alright!" Pinkie replied.

"Phew, good." She proceeded to turn back around to me. "Hopefully I can fix you right this time." Her horn began to glow. As the past few times. I felt the all great feeling of being fucked in the eye. This continued for a few minutes, before finally stopping. I felt...insane again.

"Hey. Why am I pinned to this wall? I want some books. Wait, Cyclones! AHH! Wait, it was all inside the nucleus of the power plant in Las Vegas."

"Well, it's not sane. But it's better then the other ones. It seems I have to deal with you like this." Twilight stated.

"Now getmedown. I, want to do some stuffs and some things." I was proceeded to get lowered.

"YAAAZ!" I yelled.

"Hey Jakar! You want some cupcakes?" She asked, handing me the tray of cupcakes.

"NAYEAAH!" I proceeded to eat them all in less them a second.

"Hehe, I'll have to make you some more."

"Ya. Now I wanna go outside and boss."

"Okay dokie lokie! We're going outside Twi!" Pinkie replied.

"Okay, Pinkie. But make sure he doesn't do anything bad." Twilight responded.

"Yes Ma'am!" Pinkie replied, doing a salute. We proceeded to head out the door.

**A/N: Chapte nine over, hope you enjoyed. Since once a week for these short chapters has to be too long, I'm going to try and update twice every week. End A/N**


	10. Chapter 10, Cooking

**A/N: Chapter ten here. Hope ye enjoi End A/N**

"We're both going to Sugarcube Corner!" Pinkie exclaimed as we walked down the road.

"Friends. Fiends! Ends! We might end up in a ditch!"

"Yep! I always gotta look out for ditches. I just don't know where they come from! I'm just walking around minding my own business when a big hole in the ground shows and so I have to fix the hole so no pony else falls into it and I end up having to help Applebloom get her cutie mark at the same time!"

"I understanded every single word ya said."

"You did!? That's a first! I like you a lot now!"

"And I like cupcakes. They taste like Rainbows!"

"Rainbows have a taste? I never knew that! You know a lot Jakar!"

"I only know what I know."

"And that's a true statement! Oh, here we are!" Pinkie proceeded to point at the giant gingerbread house.

"This isn't a Sugarcube. It's a giant house with gingers!" I stated.

"I never knew why is was called Sugarcube corner! Do you think you know why Jakar?"

"SUGER IS GINGER. CUBE IS SQUARE LIKE BUILDING. CORNER BECAUSE CHEESE."

"That makes perfect sense!"

We proceeded to enter the building.

"There you are Pinkie! You need to stop running off whenever." Mrs. Cake greeted as we walked in.

"I was just bringing my friend Jakar over! He can help me cook." Pinkie responded.

"Well...okay. Are you sure that he can cook?"

"Cooking is easy! Anypony can do it! Follow me Jakar! We're going into the kitchen." Pinkie then bounced into the kitchen, me following.

"Everything you need should be right in here! The cookbook is right here, the ingredients are in this cabinet, the extra flavoring is in this cabinet."

"My purpose is?"

"You're going to help me cook!" After she said that, the bells that were hanging on the door rung. "First customer!" She said as she zoomed into the other room. I proceeded to look around.

_'Something is missing...'_ I walked over to one of the cabinets. I opened it, revealing many bags of sugar. _'Sugar. The legal drug.'_ As I went to grab a bag, Pinkie came zooming back in.

"We need two cinnamon buns! The directions are in page 182 of the cookbook." Pinkie said, grabbing a bunch of ingredients from different shelves. I went over to the cookbook.

_'I must think. Page 182...Always lulz. Wait, that makes no sense. But it does! Where is page 182...'_ I flipped to a random page. _'Good enough.'_ Pinkie then came over to me, putting an array of different ingredients on the counter.

"Ooh! I see you found the page! That page should tell you exactly how to make the cinnamon buns." The door made the ringing noise again. "Another customer!" Pinkie proceeded to zoom into the other room. I looked back at the book. _'Aw, it's that shitty tasteless paper. Darnit.'_ I then began to read the first line.

_'How to make a cinnamon bun first you will need blah blah blah then you must blah the blah into a pan. Then you must bleh bluh blah bloung ah yes I get it.'_ I grabbed a random cup of in the array of ingredients. I proceeded to dump the whole thing into the pan.

_'Wait, if these are all the ingredients necessary to make the cinnamon bun, I should just dump them all in.'_ I grabbed everything and dumped it all in the pans. I then opened the oven the threw the pans inside, bouncing off a few walls before somehow landing right-side up in the center. I proceeded to slam it close, kicking the knob, causing it to start. Just then Pinkie came in.

"Wow! That was fast! Twenty minutes at 350`! Nice job Jakar!"

"It be nothing."

"Our next order is one medium sized cake. I'll help you with this one. Now, it should be on this page." Pinkie said, flipping to a random page in the cookbook. "Alright. First we need some cake mix. That is in the cabinet right over there." Pinkie proceeded to point to a cabinet over in the corner of the room. I walked over there and opened it, to see a big brown bag with the words "Cake mix" on it. I grabbed the bag, and walked back over to the counter and put it on it.

"Now we need some sugar. It should be in the cabinet right over there." Pinkie proceeded to point to another cabinet. I went over to it and chinned it open somehow. I grabbed a bag, before throwing it over to Pinkie, which she somehow caught.

"Okay doike loike! I'll get the rest of the ingredients, and put it all together." Pinkie said, zooming to different parts of the kitchen grabbing ingredients. While she was doing that, I looked over at the wall.

_'Interesting wall...'_

"Jakar! I need you to mix these ingredients. I'll be right back!" Pinkie said, zooming out of the room again. I looked over at the pan, containing a yellow mix.

_'Mix something.'_

I walked over to the pan, and slammed my fist into it. The mix inside went splattering everywhere. Just then Pinkie came back in.

"Did ya mix it real good?" Pinkie stated. I looked at the pan, and then back at her.

"I believe I did mix it very well I believe I did yes I did do good."

"Great! Now all we gotta do is put it in the other oven." Pinkie proceeded to go over to the other oven across the room. She opened, before placing the pan inside. She set the timer and everything else, then looked back at me.

"All we gotta do now is wait! Now, Jakar."

"Hmmz?"

"What's your favorite color? I know everypony's favorite color in this town. You never know when it might come in handy. Like that time I had to help Bon Bon with that one thing. What was it again? Hmm, I don't remember. But what is your favorite color?"

"The color that doesn't suck."

"So then that would be light-blue?"

"Yaaaaaa."

"Hehe! My favorite color is all the colors. They're all so pretty! It's impossible to pick a favorite, like my friends! I can't just pick a favorite. I love them all! Every, single, one. How many friends have you made, Jakar?"

"I am not mother fucking certain."

We proceeded to talk about more random things. From friends, to why most trees have green leaves. Eventually a beep was heard.

"Ooh! That must be the cinnamon buns!" She put on some oven mitts, before opening the oven door. She grabbed the pans, and placed them on the counter. She proceeded to close the oven door, before taking off the oven mitts and putting them away.

"Boy, those cinnamon buns sure looks weird." Pinkie stated, examining them closely.

"Ya just gotta make them look like a cinnamon bun." I replied, walking over to the counter. I proceeded to mush the cinnamon buns, until they got in the shape of a cinnamon bun. "There ya go."

"That was easy! I'll go serve them right away!" She proceeded to place them on a plate, before zooming out of the kitchen. A few seconds later, she came back.

"That customer sure looked happy! I hope he enjoys those cinnamon buns to the best he ca-"

"Pinkie! We have a complaint on table six!" Mrs. Cake said, coming into the room. "She said the cinnamon buns tasted horrible! What happened?"

"Jakar made those cinnamon buns! I thought it looked okay..." Pinkie replied.

"Well that's what happens when you have complete strangers cook. He probably had no idea how to cook." Mrs. Cake responded. Pinkie proceeded to look sad, looking down. I then looked over at Mrs. Cake.

"It ain't all that bad." I began, putting on some shades. "One time, a little whiles ago, there be dis kid. He name be Brandy Mickle. He be beaten, hurt, teased, his life had be horrible. His test grades be even be bad. Den one day, he disappeared, neva to be seen be again. People be expecting too much. Some say he be ran away, some be say he be taken to a better place. No one be know for sure. Yaz can't expect everybedy to be perfect. Everyone be makes mistakes. Be be be be be be be be be be be." I concluded, taking off the shades.

"Um... I do see your point, somehow. Pinkie, don't blame yourself. Just make another two cinnamon buns, and an extra to make up for it." Mrs. Cake replied.

"Well, okay doike loike!" Pinkie responded, cheering up again. "I guess I'll be seeing you later Jakar."

"I will be quite willingly much looking forward to seeing you again too." I replied. Pinkie giggled, before I walked out of the kitchen, then out of the building.

**A/N: Chapter ten over. Hope you enjoyed. I was planning on updating twice this week. Don't know what happened :/ anyway, lolreferences. End A/N**


	11. Chapter 11, An epic chapter name

**A/N: Chapter eleven here. Going to be trying to update twice a week being these chapters are so short. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

As I was walking, ponies were still running at the sight of me. I didn't understand why, but didn't pay too much attentions to it. Eventually I noticed a yellow pony with wings flying around. It noticed me, before flying over to me.

"Oh, are you lost?" She asked in a calm voice.

"Lost? Fosters home for Daemons. What? Who are you?" I replied.

"...Huh? I'm Fluttershy. You must be lost. Do you know where you're from?"

"I'm from that place, in which five years ago, it was still a place."

_*Random flashback to random event in past*_

"EYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" I stated, looking over at Duston.

"Hey. What's going on?" He proceeded to ask.

"No much yooaaz. Vince be nogin chackin nuggets. And I just took a FUCKING SHIT!"

"That's, nice to know Jakar. Do you know where Klade is? I've been looking for him. He disappeared, something about technical works? I don't know what he's doing, but I haven't seen him in a few hours. Do you have any idea where he's at?" He asked.

"I no knowz. Maybe he discovering magic? Lulz I don't know. I'm gonna go TAKE ANOTHER SHIT!"

"Well, alright. You go do that." He proceeded to walk off. I looked to my left to see Brandy and his friend, Wistun.

"Yooaz." I stated, looking over at them.

"Hey Jakar." Wistun replied.

"Wut be wongz? You seem differenta?" I responded.

"Don't you know? I'm moving soon. My freaking family is divorced, and dad is taking me with him to Ohio, or something. I don't know. This place has suddenly turned into a shit-hole." He replied.

"Shit in a hole? I did that once! Then I ate it."

"Okay...well, I gotta be getting back. Dad's been edgey lately, and if I'm gone for too long, he gets angry. See ya later." Wistun responded, going away.

"Okayzuaiz. What you dooooing Brandy?" I proceeded to ask. He didn't say anything, and just walked away.

"Nothing! Isn't nothing a person? Right, I thought that five years from now. Wait, how do I know that? Wait, I'm a bekaguy. Right. That's a future meme. Eh? I'm confused. I'm gonna go search for KFC."

_*End pointless flashback that probably left you all confused and wondering "WTF?"*_

"Hello?" Fluttershy said, moving her hoof in front of me.

"Whaaaat?" I asked, looking up for some reason.

"You spaced out. Are you okay? Let me bring you to my place. I may be able to help."

"Kz." Fluttershy proceeded to walk in a direction, me following. Within a few minutes, we arrived at a house. We both walked up to the front door, Fluttershy opening it. We both then walked inside. Inside, animals were everywhere. _'Animals...they taste good. I'll have to have some later.'_

"Do you want to eat anything? I can make something for you." Fluttershy stated.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, can I have the animals?"

"_*Eep*_ No! How could you? Wait, do you eat animals? Oh no!"

"Hmm?" I was then picked up by Fluttershy.

"Kcuf eht tahw!?"

"I'm sorry but I can't let you near by animals if you eat them." She replied, going out the door.

"DAMNIT CHICKEN NUGGETS! WHY MCDONALDS WHYYYYYYY?"

She continued to carry me until we arrived at the edge of a forest.

"Here you go, back where you came from." Fluttershy stated, setting me down.

_'I came from here? Think Jakar think...right, 6 years in the future FPS Russia has to save the world from aliens, while at the same time Bob Evans has to fight off zombies from a future age. Wait, what?'_

"I'm going to go now. You be good." Fluttershy said, flying away. I proceeded to look inside the forest.

_'Yeahz! Slendadude. Wait, that's bad.'_ I looked back at Fluttershy, who was long gone. _'I'll go see what links500 is doing.'_ I began to head off in the direction of town.

Within a few minutes I arrived. I noticed a white pony, with a blue mane and tail. She was talking to another pony, who I didn't care about. I proceeded to run up to the white pony, grabbing her.

"AHHHH!" She screamed, trying to squirm her way out of my grasp.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled back, causing her to stop. She then looked at me with fear. "You have to listen to me!" I yelled in her face.

"What!? What is it!?" She replied.

"YOU MUST KNOW THIS! ...I dunno I forgot." I then let her go, causing her to run off. _'I'm confused.'_ I looked around to see ponies staring at me. "Who here wants to go Chuck Norris at my schlang?" I said. No one replied. "For you then." I then walked off.

Within a few minutes, I noticed the library. _'I should not go there.'_ I proceeded to walk in the opposite direction.

Within another few minutes I arrived at a house with music booming from the inside. "MOSIK." I ran over to the door.

"FUS RO...dah." I said, slowly turning the nob and opening it quietly. I looked inside to see another white pony with a blue mane and tail, except more wilder-like. She had her eyes closed, banging her head back and forth.

_'Maybe she knows about the matrix.'_ I began to walk over to her. I tapped her, and she turned around startled. When she saw me, the music stopped, followed my a look of horror in her eyes.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed, running into a room and slamming the door.

_'Must've seen my ear dick. Wait, I don't have that. I don't even know what the fuck that is.'_ I then went over to the door, and tried to open it, only to find it was locked.

"...Bum de de dopidy bam-de bum-bum BAM!" I yelled, jumping up and kicking down the door in mid-air. The door through across the room, slamming into the wall.

_'Door-kicking skill has gone up +1.'_ I proceeded to look around the room, to find it was a bedroom. I then noticed that pony again, shivering in fear in the corner.

"Don't hurt me!" She said, fear in her voice.

"You never stole my shoe-strings. I will never hurt you because of that." I replied.

"...Um, what did you say?" She responded, a little calmer.

"Wanna be fag-friends?"

"Uh...if you mean friends, then yeah I guess. But, what are you?"

"I'm a..._*Puts on shades*_ bawss."

"...Um, I guess I'll just call you the boss...then. I guess. That feels a little weird."

"Wait, DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THEEE MATRIX!?" I suddenly shouted.

"AHH! NO! I don't know what you're talking about! Don't yell like that. You're scaring me enough."

"When the sun shines golden, the Venus light-house will rise again."

"What?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"I will just leave now."

"That would be great. You scared the living heck out of me, and barged into my house." I then walked out the door.

_'What the hell was the point of all this? Oh wait, it doesn't matter. Everything that's happening doesn't even make any sense, at some points. Wait...OH MY FACKING GOD IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! THE TRIANGLE IS ALSO A PYRAMID!'_ I proceeded to exit the house.

**A/N: Chapter eleven over. Hope you enjoyed. Next one should be up in a few days, and remember, still accepting ideas. End A/N**


	12. Chapter 12, Kabewsh

**A/N: Chapter 12 here. Fhope you enjoi. End A/N**

I knew it was time. It was time, to kick ass, and chew bubble gum.

"Jakar! We need you to get the mini-gun in the vault!" Twilight called out, over the heavy-fire.

"FUCK THIS SHIT!" I proceeded to pull out a shotgun, jumping over the debris and killing the enemy in-front of me, blowing his guts everywhere.

"LEIK A BAWSS!"

"Wake up dumbass. You're confusing everyone."

"Huh?"

_*End dream you didn't know was a dream*_

I opened my eyes to find I was inside a house.

"What the flying donkey shit?" I asked, confused. I looked over to see that same pony I had previously encountered. The one in white, with the wild blue mane and tail.

"When you tried to exit my house, you bumped into the top of the door-way, knocking you out." She explained.

"Ah. It was weird. I was kicking ass and chewing bubble gum."

"Huh?"

"I don't remember. Anyway...why am I in your bed? You trying to do things sexually to me?"

"W-what!? No! There wasn't any other comfy place in this house, and my bed was the only other place. Of course I was a but hesitant at first...but...I'll change the sheets later."

"Mmmm. Wanna do it?"

"W-what!? Heck no! Just get out of my house."

"I know what you want."

"You're disgusting!"

"And that arouses yo-"

"That's it!" I then began to levitate. "Hope you enjoy your time outside. It sure was a nice distraction for me." I was then levitated out the door, before it closed.

_'I have been known as a friendly adviser.'_

I looked, and noticed Twilight walking by.

_'Shitzzles.'_

She noticed me, and began running over to me.

"Jakar? What are you doing here? Where's Pinkie?" She asked.

"I watched...I saw it with my own two eyes. She...SHE TOOK A SHIT IN THE CUPCAKES!"

"What? Ugh, I can't believe she couldn't watch you." I then began to levitate. "You're coming back to my place."

"But, I must ask, are you going to fuck me?"

"W-what!? No! I would never! I thought I fixed you. Well, kind of."

"Go buy me something."

"No." We proceeded to head off in the direction of the library.

* * *

Within a few minutes we arrived. Twilight opened the front door, walking inside and putting me down.

"OAH MAH GAWWWWD." I stated loudly.

"What?" Twilight asked unamused, closing the door.

"THAT GUAAAAWWY, HE KALLLED MEEEEEEE. I HATE HIM!"

"You know what, I'm just going to ask. Who are you talking about?"

"THAT FUCK! Anyway, Twilight."

"...Yes Jakar?"

"Whyz am I stuck here?"

"I already told you. You're too dangerous to be left alone."

"Y U NO TRUST ME?"

"I've already trusted you once before. You blew it."

"I did?" I then noticed Spike came in. "Spike."

"Uh...what?" He asked, confused.

"Are you able to perform a Jackie Chan?"

"A what? No, I don't think I can."

"Dahhh shit."

"Breakfast is already ready, so you can go ahead and eat." Twilight spoke up.

"Is it Chuck's eggs?"

"...Actually, yes it is." Spike replied. "How did you know?"

"I asked my bAWls." I proceeded to walk into the kitchen.

After I walked into the kitchen, I ran and grabbed all of the eggs. I then opened a cabinet, and got inside. I then began eating them.

"Hey, where's Jakar?" Spike asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Ugh. I lose track of him for just a few seconds, and he goes running off." Twilight replied.

"Maybe you should look after him more, eh?"

"You know, it's hard enough trying to deal with you, AND Jakar at the same time."

"I'll let that one slide..."

I had just finished eating the eggs. I proceeded to burst out of the cabinet.

"VENUSAUR!" I screamed as I burst out.

"AHH!" Both Twilight and Spike screamed, Spike running out of the room.

"Don't do that Jakar!" Twilight stated, agitated.

"Why? You neva let me do nothin yooo man dude fool."

"Well...fine. I'll let you do just that. But don-"

"MOTHER OF SUPERMAN! YEEEEEEESsssssss." I then ran out of the room.

"_*Sigh*_ He's such a hoofful." I overheard her say as I ran out.

**A/N: Chaptere 12 over. Hope you enjoied. End A/N**


	13. Chapter 13, Boo

**N\A dnE .yojne uoy epoH .ereh 31 retpahC :N\A**

_'I can now scare people. Spike is going to hate me foreva.'_ I looked around, and eventually spotted him. I sneaked up him.

"FIGGITY!" I shouted, jumping out at him.

"AHHHH!" He screamed, running out of the room.

_'1/10.'_

"What is it?" I heard Twilight ask in the other room.

"Jakar scared me!"

"Well, I told him he can do that. As long as he isn't doing anything bad, like eating my books."

_'Oh right. I still have all those pages.'_

"Can't he scare someone else though?" Spike continued to talk.

"Why don't you try scaring him."

"Oh, heheh. I think he's got another thing coming." I then noticed Spike sneak back into the room. I proceeded to somehow get behind him.

"STRANGA!" I yelled, causing him to jump.

"WHAAA!?" He screamed, jumping back. "How did you get behind me!?"

_'2/10.'_ I then jumped out of the room.

"Well, you won't be scaring me again. Nope. Not at all. I am re-"

"AMADINC!" I yelled, jumping down from above him.

"WHOAAHH!? Darnit! I'm going to get you back!" Spike replied, agitated.

_'3/10.'_ I jumped into the room that Twilight was in.

"Twilight." I stated.

"What?" She replied, looking up from the book she was reading.

"What if I told you, that this is all a dream."

"Huh?"

"Kabewsh! Your mind has blown."

"...Ah forget it. You never make any sense." She responded, putting her head back into the book.

_'It only makes sense, to one with an open mind.'_

"BOOO!" I heard Spike yell, jumping in-front of me.

"GTOUTAIVE!" I yelled back, freakishly looking close to his face.

"Whaa!" He responded, jumping back and running over to Twilight.

_'4/10.'_

"He's scary! I can't scare him." He said.

"Then do something else. I won't let him bother you." Twilight replied.

"Well, alright." He responded, looking back at me. I just looked at him.

"What? Is there a bawlsack under my chin?" I stated. He didn't respond, and just walked upstairs.

_'I once walked away. I never lived again. Wait, what?'_

"Are you bored Jakar? I have some games we could play." Twilight said, looking up at me.

"You mean I can shoot people?" I replied.

"Um...no. Whatever that means. I have games like chess, although I'm sure you'd do horrible at that. I have a collection of games in my basement. I'm sure we could find something that you can actually play."

"I once played with some guy saying he was my uncle's thing. Never saw much of him anymore...don't even think he was my uncle...don't even know what an uncle is..."

"...I'll just hope that isn't what I think it is. Follow me to the basement."

"Whyz?"

"I can't trust you to leave you up here alone. Now c'mon."

"Why you no trust me?"

"_*Sigh*_ I already told you many times already. You-" She was interrupted by the door bell ringing. "Hold on let me get that." She proceeded to walk over to the front door. She opened it, revealing the white pony I had yelled at before.

"Hi Rarity. What brings you here?" Twilight asked.

"Hi Twilight. I was just wondering if you had any...Oh my lord look behind you Twilight!" Rarity loudly replied.

"What?" Twilight asked, looking behind her, and at me.

"That, thing! It attacked me earlier." Rarity responded.

"Oh, I apologize for that. This is Jakar." She stated, gesturing to me. "Princess Celestia assigned me to watch over him until she finds a spell that can send him back to his world."

"That animal is dangerous!"

"Not really. He's just kind of..."

_'Don't say it you fucking bitch.'_

"...stupid."

_'Phew, good. Thought she was going to say something else.'_

"Wow. I'm so sorry for you having to watch over him." Rarity exclaimed, sympathetically.

"It's not that bad. He seems to have gotten better. But anyway, why were you here?"

"I'm looking for a book on different types of fabrics. A customer ordered a dress to be made in a type of fabric I am un-familiar with."

"I should have a book on that. Let me find it real quick." Twilight replied, walking over to a bookshelf. Within a few seconds, she pulled out a book with her magic, before going back to Rarity. "This should be it."

"Thank you." Rarity responded, accepting the book with her magic. "I'll be sure to have it back by tomorrow."

"You're welcome. Good luck with the order." Twilight replied, before Rarity walked away. Twilight proceeded to close the door, before looking back at me. "Now, what were we talking about again?"

"Clint Eastwood?"

"No. I know it wasn't that, whatever that is."

"Najjees?"

"And I'm sure it wasn't that. Well, I can't remember, so you'll just have to find something to do." She then walked back to where her book was, and began reading.

_'I should scare the flying rterwa's out of Spike some more. I needz more!'_ I headed towards the upstairs area. As I did though, a magic force sent me away from it.

"Sorry Jakar, but Spike is up there and he wants to be left alone for the time being." Twilight stated.

"Fuck you..."

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just...wait I don't remember. Do something nice to me now."

"_*Sigh*_ I can read this book aloud to you if you want. It's a magic book, but it should at least keep you occupied."

"Wateva."

"Okay then," She began. "This spell can-"

"WAS THIS CHAT GREAT? NO IT WAS NOT! OMEGLE FUCKING actually makes me lol."

"If I'm going to read to you, you have to be silent."

"NO I DON'T WANT TO SAVE THE LOG. WHO THE HELL WOULD DO THAT ANYWAY. AND I WON'T POST IT TO THE BOOK OF FACES EITHER."

"Forget it." Twilight mumbled, getting back to her book.

**A/N: Chapter 13 over. Hope ye enjoied. End A/N**


	14. Chapter 14, Bunch of stuffs

**A/N: Chapte 14e heree. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

I was standing there, in Twilight's library. I couldn't go upstairs. I couldn't go outside. I couldn't eat any books. I knew it was really time. To kick ass, and chew bubble gum.

"Twilight." I stated.

"What is it Jakar?" Twilight replied, un-interested.

"They say there is no present. Because once one thinks about the present, it is now the past. So in reality, there is no present."

"...What? Did you just say something that actually made sense?" Twilight asked, her interest rising.

"You see," I began, putting on some nerd glasses. "If there is no present, what we're experiencing right now is the immediate past. What I just said a few seconds ago, is now the past. What I will say next, is the near-future. There is in-fact, no future, because we create it. One may be able to predict the future, but that is only based by logical thinking, capable of certain creatures. For example, no one can predict what will happen exactly seven years from now, in this very moment. However, in six years and 364 days, it may be possible, as we create our own near-future." I then took off the nerd glasses and put them away.

"...Mother of Celestia..." Twilight replied, taking off some shades. "You're... you, are, GOD!"

"It's all in the fabric of space-time."

"Jakar? Are you there?"

_*End dream you didn't know was a dream, again.*_

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"You were just standing there for six whole hours. I was beginning to get worried." Twilight replied.

"Wait, six hours? And you didn't even notice?"

"Well, I wasn't really...you know, paying attention. Heheh..." She ended, laughing nervously. "But that's not the point. It's seven at night. It's time you started going to bed."

"Boy this day went by fast. You skipping asshole. I want to enjoy my life, not have it wasted because you can't say what happens for the rest of the day."

"Who are you talking to Jakar?"

"The asshole."

"...Huh? Oh forget it. Your bed is upstairs."

"But you said I couldn't go up thar!"

"Spike is somewhere else. You can go up there."

"Yayayyyy!" I proceeded to run up the stairs.

"Wait!" Twilight responded, running up with me.

"Wut." I replied, stopping, causing her to slam into me.

"Ow. I was going to say wait for me. I don't want you doing anything you're not supposed to do."

"Or is it another reason? Hmm?"

"No. Your bed is in the same place. I'll just watch you to you don't do anything bad."

"You mean Jakarf?"

"Jak arf? What...I hope no...a-anyway. Just go in your bed and fall asleep."

I stood there, and did not move.

"Ugh, I don't have time for this." I began to levitate.

"EY you BITCH!"

"What did you call me!?" She replied, me dropping from the levitation.

"Ey I called you a faggot!" After saying that, her horn began to glow again, and I began to feel faint.

* * *

I woke up to find myself in a bed. I got up and looked around. Twilight was in the bed across me, sleeping.

_'What the falling uncle piss happened?'_

I looked out the window to see it was morning time.

_'What a waste of a day. How the schomp did I even fade away for six hours anyway? Ah who gives a shit.'_ I got up, and looked over at Twilight again. _'Weird. I get the sudden feeling to hug the shit out of her. Meh what's the worst that coood happien? Yaaaa.'_ I went over to her, and jumped at her. I landed on top of her, and began hugging her.

"AHHHH!" She screamed, jumping up. "Jakar!? What are you doing? Get off of me!"

"What?"

"What do you mean!? Get off of me now!" I was then levitated, before being floated back in my bed. "What were you doing!?"

"Hugging the shit out of you."

"Um...what?"

"What."

"Don't do that. You scared me almost half to death!"

"Worst than last timey?"

"Don't remind me. You're lucky you got away with that like you did, AND for destroying some of my books."

"Ah but it's all in good fun."

"No, it's not in good fun. I can't wait til Celestia sends you back."

"You MUST admiiit. Life has been more exciting with me around eh?"

"Well, maybe, but I preferred it the way it was before."

"I'm thinking too FOOLISHLY. What ever happened to amazon and the three broken discs?"

"And now he's going random again. I'll have Spike make us some more pancakes."

"More pancakes? DAH RO FUS!"

"Can you please not be so loud? Some ponies are still sleeping."

"Well excuuuuuuuse me, princess."

"Um..." She trailed off, blushing. "Don't do that! Let me go wake up Spike." She proceeded to exit the room.

_'Soon Darth Vader, soon. She will be transferred over to...the dark side, of the force. Yes...wait, what?'_ I then followed her.

**A/N: Chapter 14 over. Hope you enjoied. End A/N**


	15. Chapter 15, Kicking ass and chewing gum

**A/N: The fifteenth chapter of this story is here. The person behind this writing hopes you enjoy it. End A/N**

Within around fifteen minutes, the pancakes were made.

"CAKES OF PAN!" I yelled, jump-kicking into the kitchen.

"Jakar, can you please eat normally for once?" Twilight said, walking in behind me.

"Erohw hctib gnikcuf uoy naem taht seod quf ad. Yllamron?"

"...What did you say? I'm sorry I didn't understand a word you said."

"You...probably don't want to know. ANYWAY CAKING WITH PAN!" I proceeded to lunge after the tray of pancakes, before being stopped and levitated in mid-air.

"Try to eat normally Jakar." Twilight stated, moving me to the ground.

"Mmmmm, nah." I replied, quickly grabbing the tray of pancakes and dashing out of the room.

"Jakar!" Twilight yelled, beginning to run after me.

_'I have been known to piss people off.'_ I ran until I found the basement door. _'Yaa.'_ I opened it and went inside, quickly closing it behind me. I took one step, and tripped on something, slamming into my head.

* * *

I woke up to find myself in a room.

"FHUCK NARRIS! WHERE ARE YE!?" I yelled. I looked ahead, and noticed a floating head. It appeared to be exploding.

"An Exploding head? Right there's multiple." Suddenly to the right of me, I noticed Klade appear.

"Hey. It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum." He said, chucking a Spas-12 to me. "Under request. Lets kick these guys asses."

"LIEK A BAWSS!" I yelled, grabbing the shotgun. "Fucking troll." I said, shooting the exploding head, causing it to explode more into a million pieces.

"We gotta fuck the shit of their empire." He said, taking out a minigun.

"LEIEK AH MAYNE!" I proceeded to jump forward, drop-kicking down the front door.

"We must eliminate them." Klade stated, firing the minigun at their planning room. "These guys fail at the art of trolling." I then jumped forward, shooting a guy's face point-blank range with the shotgun, causing it to blow up.

"Wait, I think this is overkill." I stated.

"Who gives a fuck lol. Everyone is confused." Klade replied.

"You're right. I'm always confused." Another teleportation sound is heard to my left. I looked to see Vince.

"What up?" He said, looking at us both.

"Hey it's your first line."

"Ah shut up. Nah just joking. What were we doing again?"

"Under request."

"Right. Everyone is confused though."

"And? This is Jakar's mind. It just doesn't fucking matter, it happens. Anyway they should enjoy the ride. LETZ DO DIS SHIT!" Klade replied, handing Vince a Model 1887 shotgun. "Lets fuckin own some trolls." We then ran up to the first door, and kicked it open, revealing a bunch of other people. Klade then fired the minigun, creating a bloody mess. It looked like some cat had spat at least 31 bloody shits. It was like a past, to the present, all in the amount if ones. That didn't even make any sense.

"I still think this is overkill." I stated, watching heads explode.

"Over-killing is my specialty, bitch." Klade replied, stopping the minigun. "Now lets skip ahead."

_20 dream minutes later..._

"Alright." Klade stated, denoting the C4, causing the whole empire to blow up. "Remember. Trolling like an ass is bad. Be smart, not a fucking jackass. Now wake up you faggot Jakar. You have kicked your ass, and chewed your gum."

* * *

I woke up, to find myself in a bed.

_'What the [offensive term].'_ I got up, and looked around. I appeared to be in my bed. _'I feel like that guy who did those one things and then woke up. Ah yes.'_ I then noticed Twilight looking at me.

"I see you're finally awake." She stated, looking at me.

"I have kicked ass and chewed bubble gum." I replied, looking at her in the eyes.

"Um...Okay." She replied, confused. "I found you passed out in the basement. You need to be more careful."

"Ohyaya."

"Hey! This is important. I don't need you hurting yourself."

"I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream. I don't why I instigate, and say what I don't mean."

"Jakar?"

"I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright, so I'm breeeaaaking the haaabit. I'm breeeaaaking the haaabit. I'm breeeaaaking the haaabit. TONIGHT!"

"What on Equestria are you talking about Jakar?"

"Good shit."

"...Okay...um, what _were_ we talking about then?"

"Jackie Chan and the castle of Narrising Chuck?"

"...No, I know it wasn't that. But anyway, it's 10:25 AM. I have to help Fluttershy with her animals at eleven. And since I can't leave you alone, you're going to be coming with me."

"Oh noes."

"What? You're always wanting to go outside, you finally get that chance, and you don't want to go outside? Ugh just like Spike when he was young...er."

"The shy that flutters no liek me."

"The who?"

"No one. I can own me get. Let go now lulz."

"We still don't need to leave for around twenty minutes. Although I suppose we can arrive a little early..." I then got off the bed, following Twilight to the door. She opened it, and we both stepped outside, afterwards heading off in the direction of Fluttershy's.

**A/N: Chapter 15 over. Hope you enjoyed. +1 to who got what the dream was about. End A/N**


	16. Chapter 16, Fluttershy's

**A/N: Chapter sixteen here. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

Within a few minutes, we approached Fluttershy's house.

"Now, I don't think you've met Fluttershy before. She's very shy, so be careful."

"Seon ho."

"What?"

"Fool."

"Nevermind." She then walked up to the door, knocking on it. A few seconds passed, and it opened, revealing Fluttershy.

"Oh hello Twilight. Glad you..." She trailed off, looking at me. "Oh no it's him!"

"Huh? You mean Jakar?"

"Yes! He wanted to eat my animals! He's a troll!"

"But am I a bigger troll than explodinghead?"

"Now now Fluttershy, I'll make sure he won't eat any animals. I promise." Twilight stated reassuringly.

"Well...I guess I'll just have to trust you. You both can come in." Fluttershy replied, eying me. We both proceeded to walk inside, Fluttershy closing the door behind us. "Okay, the animals I need help with are outside. Follow me to the backyard." She began walking over there, us following her. As I was walking, I came across a white bunny.

"Hey." I said to him. He just looked at me. "Bunny. Eat my gigantic ass shits." He shuddered, then hopped somewhere else. I noticed alot of the other animals staring at me. A bird then flew in-front of me, blocking my vision.

"Foggat." I quickly grabbed the bird, and shoved it in my pocket.

"What is it Jakar?" Twilight asked, turning her head and looking at me.

"That which is not something."

"...Okayy."

"Here's the back door." Fluttershy stated, opening it up. We both walked through, Fluttershy following behind us. She closed the door, before flying in-front of us. "Thank you for spending your time to help me Twilight."

"It's okay Fluttershy. I had nothing important to do, and helping you would be better for the both of us." Twilight responded.

"I need you-"

"Shying Flutter." I interrupted, looking at her.

"What is it?" She asked, looking at me.

"Skrillex's songs are actually very well made if you view them closely. That kid's really talented."

"...I'm sorry I didn't catch that."

"Just ignore it." Twilight spoke up. "He speaks lots of random nonsense. I learned to ignore it."

_'But...it is NOT INSERT NIM~'_

"Okay. Well, what I need you to do is-"

"Fluttering shystone."

"Yes Jakar?" She asked, slightly irritated.

"You want the D don't ya?"

"The D? What..." She then immediately blushed, not believing I just said that.

"Jakar! That is...oh forget it. He'll never learn. Don't listen to him Fluttershy."

_'I learn when I listen.'_

"I can't believe..."

"Just ignore it. He's completely random and probably didn't even know what he meant."

_'Ugh this is going to take a long time. TIME_ SKIP!'

* * *

"Where am I?" I asked, confused.

"Inside my anus."

"Ah yes."

_End daydream you didn't know was a day dream..._

"And that's the last of it." Twilight stated, looking over her finished work.

"Thank you so much for helping me today Twilight. I don't know what I would've done without your help."

"Don't worry about it. I was glad to help. Jakar?" She asked, looking over at me. "You've been standing there the whole time. Are you okay?"

"I was inside someone's anus." I replied. Fluttershy then looked like she was about to throw up. Twilight just sighed.

"Well, at least he didn't bother us. C'mon Jakar, we're going back home."

"Thermaxablencencencencencenc encencence."

"You can just go around the house." Fluttershy stated. "It'll probably be faster."

"Okay." Twilight replied, walking around. "Follow me Jakar." I did not. "Ugh..." I began to levitate.

_'Free ride bitches.'_

"See some other time Fluttershy." Twilight said, looking back at her.

"You too." She responded. We were then out of eye-contact.

"Well, you didn't bother us. You did good Jakar." Twilight said as we walked along.

"That makes me feel bad."

"What? Why?"

"All I want to do, is be more like me, and be less like you."

"...Okay. You're fine to be who you are."

"But you no let me do shat."

"Well, sometimes the things you do...aren't so good."

"But I'm tired of being what you want me to be."

"Um..." She tried to think of something to say. "I'm like your parent for now. It's for your own good."

"But what if super Chuck."

"...and?"

"Weegee."

"_*Sigh*_ Nevermind..." We continued heading back to the library.

_'Liek a bawss.'_

**A/N: This chapter is over. That is all. End A/N**


	17. Chapter 17, Cooking lessons

**A/N: Seventeenth chapter is here. Enjoy hope you. End A/N**

As we were walking to the library, I came across three fillies.

"Howdy Twilight. Who's the animal ya got there?" One of them asked in a southern accent.

"I AM THE BOOGIEMAN AND I WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS!" I yelled, for some reason causing them to laugh in response.

"You're funny!" The white one said, looking at me.

"But I'm not Peter Griffin." I replied.

"Do you have a cutie mark?" The orange one asked.

"Yeah! I want to know."

"If not, then ya can become part of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

"Girls, calm down." Twilight interrupted. "Sorry, but he's coming back to my place. He can't join your group." They all proceeded to look down in disappointment.

"Just remember kids, say yes to drugs! Then sell them!" I stated.

"Ok!" They all proceeded to run off.

_'Yes, my underlings. Soon you will all become-'_

"We're here." Twilight stated, looking at the library.

"Already? Ah who gives a Jackie Chan." I replied. Twilight opened the door, and levitated me inside, before putting me down. She then closed the door.

"Hi Twilight and Jakar!" I heard someone yell, causing Twilight to jump back in fright.

"P-Pinkie!? What are you doing here? You scared me." Twilight asked.

"I came here to see Jakar! But then Spike said that he went with you to Fluttershy's, so as I was about to go back outside to head to Fluttershy's you appeared so I said hello!" Pinkie explained.

"...Okay..." _'I didn't understand a word she said. Wait, Twilight said that part. How the helmet...'_

"It's my day off today, so I'm going to teach you to cook Jakar!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Oh noes." I replied.

"Well, you can let him. I've watched him for long enough." Twilight responded.

"Yay! Lets go Jakar!" She then picked me up somehow, before zooming out the door.

Within a few seconds, we arrived at Sugarcube Corner. She opened the front door, and we appeared in the kitchen.

"We'll start with something simple. Cupcakes!" Pinkie stated.

"Do we need Rainbow Dash?" _'Wait, how do I know who she is? ...Thank you Chuck Narris.'_

"No. Why would we need Rainbow Dash for cupcakes? I don't think she can cook, but maybe she can. I've never seen her cook. Or maybe-"

"Nevermind. How I cook dese cupcakes?"

"It's really simple! The cookbook tells you exactly how to make them!"

"Boof."

"Here. Cupcakes are on page three!" Pinkie proceeded to pull out the cookbook, opening up to the page. "Just follow the easy-deasy steps!"

"I don't see any stairs to step on."

"Not that kind of step silly! Instruction steps!"

"I do not understand, but will say I do to move on."

"First we need to get the ingredients! The first thing we need is 3/4 cup of water."

There was a silence.

"I'm letting you bake this one Jakar! I'll just tell you what you need."

"Dahh shit."

"All the cups are in the top-right cabinet." Pinkie stated. I went over to it, jumped up and kicked the cabinet. It broke open, and I forcefully grabbed a cup from there with my knee.

"Try to be a little more...less violent, okay?" She said.

"Ayewhat? Yes?" I went over to the faucet, and looked at it. _'I swear to all that is not a mirror, I COMMAND YOU TO TURN ON! Ow I hurt my mind word-talk thingy whatever screw you.'_

"You have to pull the knob up to turn the water on." Pinkie stated.

"Mmm." _'I feel like I'm in a repeating game.'_ I grab the knob with my hand, and move it up. The water pours out, and into the cup. _'Whoa, I feel like I've been through this before.'_

"We only need 3/4 water. I think you got enough." Pinkie proceeded to shut the water off. She then examined the cup. "...Yep! You got it! Now we need 1/4 cup of vegetable oil."

_'This step is gay. SKIP.'_

* * *

"Alright, we're almost done with this part! Now we need two eggs." Pinkie stated.

"I have two eggs." I replied.

"You do?"

"Yes."

"...Okaay. The carton of eggs is in the fridge." I went over to the fridge, and began picking up the whole thing. "We only need what's inside! Not the whole thing silly." I put it down, and opened it up.

"This stuffs is cold." I exclaimed.

"That's what the fridge does! It keeps things nice and cold!" Pinkie replied.

"Hmm." _'I wonder if I can put...'_ I took the carton of eggs out, and put them on the counter. I opened it up, to find there was sixteen minus fourteen eggs inside.

"Only two eggs left! Perfect!" Pinkie exclaimed, grabbing the two eggs somehow. "Now we just gotta get the pan to mix everything in!"

"You didn't get that first?"

"Nope!"

"Dahh shit." I got the pan out, and put it on the counter. "And now there is a must how huh way to put the ingredients in?"

"We need to put the cupcake mix in first!"

"Does my mix count?"

"Your mix?"

"The mix that comes from my eggs."

"Um...stop it Jakar. You're weirding me out, and I almost never get weirded out. Except for that one time I saw Fluttershy-"

"RANDOM INTERUPTION! LOL. What were we doing again?"

"Putting the cupcake mix in the pan."

"Right." I tore open the bag, and fhuved it all in there.

"Now we just gotta start adding the ingredients! First we add the water." She proceeded to pour the water in. "Then the vegetable oil." She then poured that in. "The two eggs..." She cracked them open, and poured the yellowy pee like crap inside. "And now we're done with that! Now we just gotta mix it all up!"

"How?"

"We get the spoon and mix it up silly!" She then got a big spoon from nowhere, and began moving it around in there. "You can do this part easily. Just stir it with the spoon!"

"Uhuh, eheh, ahah, ohoh!" I got the spoon, and began stirring it.

"Just like that! You got it Jakar!" Pinkie exclaimed. "You just gotta keep doing that. Make sure to get all the lumps out too."

"You know, Chuck Norris can bake a cake in the freezer." I stated.

"Chuck Norris? How can you bake a cake in the freezer? You need heat to bake, right? Does it-"

_'And she goes on and on. She is distracted. Now is my chance!'_ I did nothing.

* * *

It had been ten minutes. I had to interrupt Pinkie, or she would try all day to figure out what I just said.

"Now you have to pour the mix into the cupcake-sheet. This is what gives them that cupcake shape!"

"Ihih." I replied, liek a sir. Pinkie then grabbed the pan, slowly pouring the mix into each chamber of the sheet. Within a few seconds, she finished.

"Now we just gotta put them in the oven! I already pre-heated it. They go in for fifteen minutes!" She opened up the oven, and put them in. "We have to wait now! So Jakar, what is your favorite food? I don't have a favorite. There's just too many tasty foods it's just impossible to pick one!"

"Mine would be that stuff that is stored inside the anusy area."

"No really Jakar, what's your favorite food?"

"That."

"..."

":)"

"O_0"

"XD"

"What did we just do?"

"I do not know."

* * *

It had been fifteen minutes, and the beeping sound went off.

"Oooh! It's done!" Pinkie exclaimed, putting on some oven mitts. She opened up the oven, and pulled the tray out, placing it on the counter. "We gotta let it cool, as it's very hot."

"Like me when I am face to face with the internet." I responded.

"What's the internet?"

"Lets...lets just not go there."

"Okay! If you don't want to that's fine with me."

"Mmm."

"But you did it Jakar! The cupcakes have been cooked! All we gotta do now is put frosting and sprinkles on-top as extra!"

"I think I be done. This hapter hatfh been long enough mayne."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I'll put on the frosting and sprinkles. You did enough today."

"Ayank you."

"Ayou're welcome!"

"Yeses."

"I'll give these to all my friends! I guess you can go now. Just make sure you head back to Twilight's, okay? Twilight was a little disappointed in me last time."

"I maybe will."

"Okay. See you later Jakar!" I proceeded to exit the building.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this a little longer than usual chapter. End A/N**


	18. Chapter 18, Stupid shit

**A/N: Eighteenth chapter here. Hope you enjoi. End A/N**

As I was walking outside, I came across a rainbow maned pony in the sky. She saw me, and began quickly flying towards me.

_'Lamo. I will be feeling pain sewn.'_ As she approached me, I quickly stepped to the side, causing her to miss and ram into the ground. _'Or that could work.'_ She quickly got up, and turned to me.

"What you doing out here? You're supposed to be in the Everfree forest!" She stated, looking at me.

"Da heeell?" I asked, confused.

"Oh so you can talk huh? Big surprise. That still doesn't mean you're not allowed here."

"Well excuse me, sir. But I'm afraid you have the wrong idea."

"Did you just call me a sir, as in a colt?" She asked, getting more agitated. "That's it! You're done pal."

"Pinkie Pie."

"Yeah? What about her?"

"Super Mario 64."

"...Huh? What on Equestria are you talking about."

"Clint Westwood."

"Alright you're really starting to confuse me. And I should be getting rid of you!"

"TO THE MOON!" Rainbow ignored my comment, and began flying toward me again. _'Foolit.'_ I began running toward her.

"Hey guys! What's going on?" Pinkie exclaimed, popping up in-between us, stopping us.

"Pinkie? Watch out for the monster!" Rainbow replied.

"Monster? You don't mean Jakar do you?" She asked, looking at her.

"...Jakar? That monster has a name?" _'Re-arangeing the word monster I can get Monstre.'_

"He's not a monster! He's my friend!" Pinkie stated.

"That thing is your friend?" Rainbow asked, confused.

"Yep!"

"...But he's dangerous!"

"He's not dangerous at all! Right Jakar?"

"Maybe." I replied.

"See?"

"Well...whatever. You have a weird choice in friends. I'm gonna go fly off."

"Wait! I have a cupcake for you!" Pinkie responded, zooming up to her.

"Um...thanks." Rainbow replied.

"No problem! Jakar helped make them!"

"Oh...yeah well I'll be going now. Bye!" She said, flying off afterwards.

"Bye! Hope you enjoy the cupcake!" Pinkie stated, as Rainbow flew off. _'Lol she won't eat the cupcake. I can feel it in my bownes.'_

"Well, it was nice seeing you again, but I have to deliver the rest of these cupcakes. So see ya Jakar!" Pinkie stated, before running off. _'Liek an awesome shirt with the troll face on it.'_ I began walking to the library, again.

As I was walking there, I came across a rock on the ground. I knelt down, and picked it up. I proceeded to put it back down, and continue on my way.

I then approached the library. I went up to the front door, and stood in-front of it. I did nothing.

About two hours later, the door opened by Twilight, almost scaring her half to death to see me standing there.

"J-Jakar! What are you doing standing there?" She asked, confused.

"Listening to these birds talk about wangs."

"Um... okay. You can come in, you know. I was about to go check on you, as I was starting to get a little worried."

"Yhyh." I proceeded to walk inside.

"Well, it's 5:25 PM, so you should probably just stay here for the rest of the day." Twilight stated, closing the door as she walked in behind me.

"Oye." I then noticed Spike across the room. I began to walk toward him. "Spiek."

"Yes?" He responded, looking at me.

"What is pie?"

"Um... a food?"

"That's my boy." I said, putting on a mustache and top hat.

"Alright..." He proceeded to walk away.

"Twilight." I stated, looking at her.

"What?" She asked, looking at me.

"Catch." I replied, pulling out the bird from my pocket and throwing it at her.

"Ah! What is that!?" She loudly asked, as it flew out the window.

"I don't even know anymore..." I replied, taking off the top hat and mustache. I proceeded to walk over to one of the bookshelves. "Can I knock this down?"

"No! That'll make a mess."

"Did you say yes?"

"No! I did not!"

"You're actually letting me do this!? Oh mah gerd."

"NO! I'M SAYING NO!"

"Alright..." I proceeded to begin tipping it, her eyes widening in horror. She immediately began running over here. She levitated me out of the way, before pushing the shelf back in place with her magic.

"Jakar! I said NO!"

"Oh noes. Can't take a good trolling?" I asked, sitting down in one of the chairs like a sir.

"Some of these books are expensive and rare! So yes! Whatever a 'trolling' is."

"Poor thing." I proceeded to take a sip from some tea, in which I do not know where it came from.

"Well, it's- wait, did you just call me a 'thing'!?"

"Mmmaybe."

"That's rude!"

"Rude? Thude? Twilight..."

"What."

"We... WE ARE ALL PHONE CHARGERS!"

**A/N: Chapter over hope you enjoyed. The 'That's my boy' part was an idea from some random guest. End A/N**


	19. Chapter 19, Stupider shit

**A/N: Chapter nineteen here, and god is it short. -_- I'll try to make a longer one next few days. End A/N**

I was sitting there. Doing nothing. Twilight was reading books. Spike was jacking off, probably. But I was doing nothing. Nothing at all. So I got up from my chair, and struck the wall behind me with force!

"Jakar? Why... nevermind." Twilight stated, getting back to her book.

"Tell me idiot, WHAT IS THE PURPOSE TO LIFE!"

"I'm not an idiot..." She replied, gritting her teeth. "And the purpose to life is-"

"42. Amirite?"

"Um... no. The purpose to life is to live. That simple."

"Oooh... I can make out with you then?"

"N-no!" She loudly replied, blushing.

"I'll go knock myself out so I can experience more random dreamy shit." I proceeded to run up to a wall, and slam my head into it, knocking me out.

* * *

I woke up to find myself in a bed. I slowly got up, and found I was in the library.

"Stupid! You don't always experience dreams when you knock yourself out." Twilight stated when I woke up.

"Well, the title says it all..."

"Huh?"

"Mmm. WHAT TIME IS IET!"

"It's 7:00 PM. You should probably be going to sleep now."

"Damnit. SHITz ON MY FACE PLEASE WHY DON'T YE!"

"No! Just go to sleep or I'll make you sleep."

"How?"

"It's a spell. Now please, go to sleep. It's exhausting having to deal with you."

"Ohoh." I proceeded to knock myself out again.

* * *

I was walking into Sugarcube Corner, wearing shades with a shotgun. I was surprised at first, but just looked at all the ponies staring at me.

"I have come here, to chew bubble gum, and kick ass." With that, they still stared at me. "And I'm all out of bubble gum."

"Oh shit!" I suddenly heard someone shoot from the left. I quickly turned and shot him, killing him and pushing him against the wall. I proceeded to continuously shoot everyone else as they were running, bodies dropping.

"Get up you idiot."

"...Heh?"

* * *

I opened my eyes to find Twilight looking at me.

"You need to stop knocking yourself out! It's dangerous!" She exclaimed as I woke up.

"So is reading all night." I replied.

"Um...maybe, but it's 7:30 PM now. Because you can't seem to be trusted with going asleep yourself, I'll do it."

"I can't be trusted worth a shit can I?"

"No, you can't. Maybe if you actually listened, and had some more common sense, I would trust you."

"No wai!"

"Yes. Now, good night."

"Waitz."

"What."

"A choice can change your life!"

"Yeah, one can. Now good night." Her horn began to glow.

"You are a bad person." I then began to feel faint, before darkness surrounded me.

_..._

"Twilight?"

_..._

"You did teh spell wrong I'm still conscious."

_..._

"Ah shit this is going to be a long night. At least I have my FUDGE."

* * *

Nothing much was happening. It was like I was asleep, but my mind was still conscious and active, unable to fall asleep. I was bored shitless. I began to see images.

_'Finally, deh dreamy part.'_ As it became clearer, I realized it was Gangnam style. _'NOOOOOOOOO-'_

**A/N: Chapter nineteen over. Hope you enjoied. End A/N**


	20. Chapter 20, FUCKZOO

**A/N: Chapter twenty here. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

Many hours of constant Gangnam style passed, and it was not good. I gagged under the pressure, and began experiencing withdrawal. It was not good at all, as I was experiencing the hatefulness of something that is not bad. Similar to when haters watch MLP, and force themselves not to like it, despite it being good. Eventually I felt myself waking up.

I opened my eyes, and looked around. I was still in my bed, Twilight sleeping in the other bed. From looking out the window, I guessed it was around morning time. It also appeared to be raining outside.

_'Time to be a jackass.'_

I got up from the bed, and went over to the balcony. I opened the doors, feeling the wind and the rain from outside. I proceeded to walk over to Twilight's bed, and somehow pick it up, moving toward the balcony. I placed her outside in the rain, quietly closing the balcony doors.

I then went downstairs, and walked up to a random bookshelf. I grabbed a book, and re-arranged them all in a random order. I then walked into the kitchen, looking for a bottle of ketchup. I emptied out the ketchup, and replaced it with hot-sauce. I proceeded to walk into the main room, and grabbed a bucket. I went back into the kitchen, and filled it up with boiling water. I then went to where Spike was sleeping, and poured the water on him.

"AHHHH!" He screamed, jumping up. "What the hay! That burns!"

"It does? I thought it was that acid stuff from that poison cabinet." I replied. His eyes then widened.

"What is this stuff!? This can be dangerous!"

"I assure you, pissed sir, it is not harmful...maybe."

"This is serious! And where is Twilight?"

"Taking a shower. Why?"

"A shower? But I don't hear the water in the bathroom on."

"Not in here, ya retard. Outside."

"Hey! I'm not a retard! And... outside?" He then noticed the rain from the window, and the bed out on the balcony. "Twilight!" He quickly got up, and ran toward the balcony doors, opening them up.

_'I never understood the art of being stupid. I wonder if it's a Link someone In the Park of epics.'_

"Twilight! Get up!" I heard Spike say from outside.

_'I'll go see how the floor downstairs is doing.'_ I went downstairs, and examined the floor. _'...It is doing quite well.'_

After a few minutes, Twilight walked down, soaking wet.

"JAKAR!" She yelled, looking at me. "My bed is ruined! And I'm soaked! Don't you ever learn!?"

"I only learn what I listen."

"I- ugh. Just... just leave me alone. Please!"

"Ayey." She then walked back upstairs, Spike coming down afterwards.

"You really need to learn some respect." He stated.

"RESPECT MY AUTHORITA!"

"You don't learn do you? You just don't learn.."

"Hey. I no eat your books anymore."

"Yeah, that /one/ thing." He then walked back upstairs. _'I once heard someone call me an insane bastard who will never make it in life. I proved him wrong by kicking the most ass in the world, and getting mah own house.'_

"Who."

"Shut up owl. No one cares about you anymore. You're rarely mentioned outside the episode you're in."

"Who?"

"My point. Fifteen years in the future I will have a random flashback here lulz." It was then silent.

* * *

After around twenty minutes, Twilight was dry, and the bed was as fixed as she could make it. I only stood there, with a troll face-ish grin.

"Jakar? What's with that grin?" Twilight asked, looking at me. "I don't like the look of it. What did you do?"

" ."

"What?"

"I'm like Sonic, at times, very few times, rarely, once. Yeah."

"I still don't understand you. Sometimes you make a little bit of sense, that's actually understandable. Then other times you're just completely random and irreverent."

"Jackie Chan time! FOOZAHH!" I proceeded to jump kick the wall behind me, before punching a hole through it.

"Jakar!"

"FUCKZOO!" I jumped up, and kicked a hole in the roof, before climbing up and jumping inside.

"Stop ruining the place!" Twilight yelled. I ignored her, and looked around, to find myself on the 2nd floor.

_'Liek a bawss.'_ I then ran over to the balcony, and jumped off, landing on the wet ground, rain pouring on me. _'Boy this sure escalated quickly.'_ I proceeded to run off in a random direction.

Within a few minutes, I came across Carousel Boutique. I ran up and jump-kicked down the door, landing inside and scaring the shit out of the white pony inside.

"AH!" She yelled. "You again! Isn't Twilight looking after you?"

"It looks funny!" Another pony said. I looked in that direction to see a grey mare, with a yellow mane, and shitted up eyes. "Where do you come from?" She asked.

"From the place that has no shoes. WHY!? WHY DOES THE PLACE HAVE NO SHOES!?" I replied.

"A place with no shoes? That sounds like a weird place. I'm looking for muffins!"

"Muffins?"

"Yep! They've got to be here somewhere..."

"Do you not make muffins? This isn't like the land of ponies. Wait..."

"Sometimes it's fun to look for them!"

"How do ye find dese maffans?"

"You just gotta look everywhere. I've never found any before though..."

"I once ate a muffin. I-"

"I did too! They're amazingly delicious. I love them!" She interrupted. _'...Well played.'_

"Hmm, yes, good ma'am I also like a good muffin. WHERE DO WE BEGIN LOOKING?"

"I started here, but I still haven't found any..."

"I'm still here, you know." The white mare spoke up, who I somehow knew as Rarity.

"You may be here, but, are you really?" I replied.

"Huh?"

"I will now just suddenly walk away." I walked out the door, closing it behind me. I felt the rain pour on me. _'I must stop this rain.'_ I began to run off toward the library.

Within a few minutes I arrived. I ran up and kicked open the door, causing it to fly a few inches inside.

"Twilighty!?" I yelled. I waited, to hear no response. "What is this shit..." I noticed a piece of paper on the door, that was currently on the ground. I went over to it, and picked it up. "Since when do I read shit." I ate the note. "They appear to be gone." I looked around the library. "I suddenly feel like there is no limitations..."

**A/N: Chapter twenty over. Hope ye enjoyed. I think I got Derpy's personality right...maybe. There will be more of her. End A/N**


	21. Chapter 21, Feels

**A/N: Chapter twenty-one here. Sorry for the long wait. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

This was it. This was the time of truth. The time of yearning. The time... of everything. I began to walk up to the first bookshelf, and looked at one of the books.

"Of all the Chuck Norris videos I have seen, this will not top them." I moved back a little, time seeming to slow down. The eerie silence seemed to echo in the wind, as simple sounds from movements seemed to be over-dramatized. I looked at the bookshelf, all cool-like and stuff lul.

"Fus...

Ro...

DAH!" I grabbed a book, and began reading it.

_'Chapter one. I heard them from the other room, my parents, debating what to do with me. My final test score averages for the whole school year had come in. Upt guess he failed. He sucks story sucks.'_ I threw the book behind me, it thudding on the ground behind me.

"I should-" I was cut off by a thudding near the door-way. I looked in that direction, to find the grey mare at the open door-way.

"Why'd you leave?" She asked, seeming a little sad.

"I didn't leave." I proceeded to put on a pair of shades. "I just went some place else."

"..I guess that makes sense... but I need you to follow me! There's something I have to show you!"

"Is it KFC!?"

"No. You'll see!" She then walked out, me following. As I looked outside, I found it had stopped raining. _'That was quick.'_

"I just realized something." I stated as we walked.

"What?" She responded.

"I'm quite stupid." I then slammed by head against the ground, knocking me out.

* * *

I woke up, and found myself inside the land of Weegee.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO." I quickly jumped down a hole, seemingly falling endlessly. I looked around, and suddenly I found myself inside Ponyville.

"That was quick." I began walking, and noticed Twilight. She walked toward me, seeming very pissed.

"YOU!" She yelled, quickly trotting up to me.

"YOU!" I yelled back, before ripping one of my fingers. "Wut." I proceeded to eat it.

"I SAW WHAT YOU DID! I'VE HAD IT JAKAR! YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!" She shouted.

"Wut u gonna do my mate?" Her horn then began to glow.

"I'M GOING TO MAKE YOUR MIND SANE, NO MATTER WHAT GOSH DARN CONSEQUENCES THERE ARE!"

"lol. At least I'm in a dream. So long my pissed friend! Trollololololol~" I proceeded to jump up, landing inside someone's random house. I picked up the compressed air, and began blowing off all the dust.

"Yeah...oh yes...yes dust yes..." I then threw the container at the wall, before looking around. "With this plate of cookies, I will not do anything." I ran up to a wall, and ran into it.

* * *

I woke up, and opened my eyes. I found a pair of shitted up yellow eyes looking back at me, from that same grey mare.

"What the hell is wrong with your eyes." I stated flatly, her seeming to winch in response. She then got up, before running off. "Ah shit. I believe I may have possibly and most likely done something that was not good at all." I watched her run off, before she started flying upwards. I found I couldn't shrug it off, so I took a random pill from my pocket. I proceeded to eat it.

"I have no idea what this is going to do." I looked around, and saw all the members of Awolnation in the distance. "I'm confused now." I began to walk off in a random direction, hearing Sail.

As I was walking, I came across the light-blue mare with the rainbow mane after around ten minutes.

"Ohmahgerd." I stated, seeing her. She then looked at me.

"Huh? Oh... Hey." She said flatly.

"Why you no like me?"

"What? I like you. I mean, wait..." She trailed off, trying to think of what she just said.

"LOL. You just dun got confused." I then began to walk off.

"Wait." She responded, stopping me.

"Ahuheh?" I asked, looking back at her.

"I saw Derpy crying earlier. Do you have anything to do with that?" She asked.

"Derpy? Who da fuq is that?"

"A grey mare. Yellow mane and tail. Yellow eyes that are a little derped."

"..Ah yes the one with the shitted up eyes. I asked her what the hell is wrong with her eyes, I think. I remember shit lulz." She then looked at me sternly.

"You hurt her feelings! She's sensitive whenever someone asks her what's wrong with her eyes."

"Juicy Fruit?"

"You should go apologize. And don't make me force you."

"I like trains." I then grabbed onto the train that came by, from pure coincidence I was standing right next to train tracks. I held on to it for around fifteen seconds, until I got a decent distance away, and dropped off. I looked to see Rainbow flying towards me.

_'Mmm come at me.'_ I went behind a random pony's house, and entered the back-door, closing it and locking it. I looked ahead of me to see a dark pink mare with a light-ish pink mane and tail.

"Ah! What are you and what are you doing in my house!?" She loudly asked, startled.

"I'm the cleaner. I will clean all your things and steal all your stuffs." I replied. _'Because that's what house cleaners really do.'_

"Get out!" She proceeded to pull out a shotgun.

"Whoa shit that was un-expected." I stated quickly, moving back and exiting the back-door, closing it. I then turned around, to see Rainbow Dash. "I can't do anything right."

"That's it. I'm forcing you to apologize to her." She stated, lifting me up, as she began to fly into the sky.

"If you drop me I will be pissed." I replied, seeing myself being lifted off the ground.

"Don't tempt me." She responded sternly, flying off in a random direction.

"I also like fans."

* * *

I found myself being thrown in-front of a door, skidding slightly on the ground.

"Go apologize Jakar." Rainbow stated. "This is Derpy's house."

"Alrightly." I replied, more cheery than usual. _'Mark my letters, I will get you back for throwing me on the ground Rainbow. Mark my god damn letters.'_ I proceeded to get up and walk to the door. As I approached, I just opened the door and walked inside.

"You could at least knock you know!" Rainbow responded, but I closed the door on her. I looked around, to see a fairly normal looking house. _'I will just stand here until something of interest happens.'_

Eventually the grey mare, who I remembered somehow as Derpy, came walking down a set of stairs, looking confused. She saw me, and frowned.

"What do you want." She stated flatly, her eyes slightly red from what I presumed was crying.

"Under direct orders which have been forced upon me by a mare named Rainbow Dash, I must apologize for something I said awhile ago I don't even remember." I replied. She just looked at me.

"So Rainbow had to force you to apologize? Why didn't you just do it on your own?" She asked, still seeming sad.

"I didn't know my mate. I was just asking question. I no not know this would've happen."

"..What? I didn't get that."

"Of course you didn't." I said, smiling slightly. "Now I'll be off. Hopefully you dun gone feel better." I then turned around, opening the front door and walking outside. "Warp skip." I proceeded to throw a glowing rock at the ground, teleporting me.

I appeared inside a tree. "Oh shit. Looks like I'm stuck here for awhile."

**A/N: Chapter that is half of 42 over. Hope you enjoyed. End A/N**


	22. Chapter 22, Deh

**A/N: Chapter twenty-two here. Hope enjoy. End A/N**

I looked around, trying to find someone to help get me out of the tree. Eventually I saw a cyan mare I recognized as Lyra walking by.

"Hey! You! Pony! Mare! Bi-"

"What? Oh, Jakar?" She interrupted, walking over to me. "How on Equestria did you get stuck in a tree like that?"

"Durr hurr I don't know. Just get me out. I don't feel comfortable here."

"Alright. I'll try to get you out.." Her horn then began to glow, before I appeared outside the tree.

"YEAS!" I shouted.

"Well at least I was able to help. So.. how has your past few days been?"

"Pretty good, as I don't really have to worry about shit LOL."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to go hunt for Twilight now. I feel like being yelled at." I began to walk off.

"Oh... alright. Just remember, feel free to visit my house any time!" Lyra replied, before walking off. _'Like I'm going to do that... ah shit.'_

I continued walking, eventually coming across the giant gingerbread house I recognized as Sugarcube Corner.

"Why da fuq does this place even still exist?" I then walked inside.

I looked around, to find other ponies currently inside. Most turned and stared, leaving me to feel wanted. As I was about to say something, a pink pony came zooming out of the kitchen.

"Ooh hi Jakar! I was just about to come over for my break too!" She stated, still being hyper.

"Mmm."

"So what's happened recently? Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

"Mmm."

"..Okaay... Oh! Twilight came over here looking for you. She didn't say why though. What did you do?"

"Mmm."

"Are you still there?" She then waved a hoof in-front of my face.

"Mmm."

"Helloooo~?" I then began to walk away. "Hey! Why're you leaving so fast?" Pinkie asked, bouncing up next to me.

"Mmm."

"Well... I guess you have your reasons. See you soon!.." She said nervously, before going back into the building.

_'Mmm.'_

* * *

Eventually I came across the library. I walked up to it, to see the door had been fixed.

_'They musta be backa.'_ I walked up to the door, and pressed my ear up against it to over-hear a conversation.

"..Just don't get it! Why does Jakar have to act like this?"

"Just ignore it Twilight. What's the worst that could happen with him out there?"

"What's the- Lots of things!"

"Maybe he'll come back."

"Look. I just want to have some lunch and relax for a bit." I then heard hoof-steps walking into another room.

_'Now to make my sudden appearance. lal.'_ I proceeded to kick the door, sending it flying a few feet.

"THAT BASTARD SPIKE IS SPY!" I shouted throughout the house.

"See! Jakar is back. And what did you say about me?" He asked, eying me.

"Anger and Agony are better than misery."

"He is?" Twilight asked, walking back into the room. "Where have you been!? I looked everywhere for you!"

"I was in Ponyville."

"Well I know that." She replied, rolling her eyes. "Did you do anything bad?"

"Bad?"

"Forget it. I guess I'll find out later." She then walked back into the kitchen. "I just want to eat for now." I heard her mutter. I then turned to look at Spike.

"Hmm... yes..." I stated.

"What is it?" He asked, confused.

"FOOTBALL!" I shouted, diving and grabbing him.

"Hey let me go!"

"TIME FOR THE FUCKIN GOAL!" I proceeded to throw him at that owl, making the owl squeal slightly as he flew up.

"Who!"

"Shut up."

"Ow that hurt! What the hay was that for!?"

"I DON'T KNOW LOL."

"EVERYPONY SHUT UP!" I heard Twilight scream from the other room.

"God damn she ain't in no good mood." I quietly said.

"I can see that." Spike replied.

"AHHHHH! WHAT IS WITH THIS KETCHUP!" I heard Twilight yell from the other room.

"Now she's in an even worse mood." Spike stated.

"Yep. I may want to hide for awhile." I proceeded to walk into another room, going through a door and into the basement. "Safe here for now lul. Maybe I can find something here." I turned on the light, and began looking around.

Eventually I came across a strange machine. One of them, at least.

"Da fuq does this do?" I noticed a note on it, and picked it up.

_'This is not yet complete. Do not use this.'_ It read. "...Nahhh." I entered the machine, and kicked some random red button. Electricity began to surround me, as I felt edgy.

"YES! I CAN FEEL THE GROUND WITH MY FEET!"

**A/N: Chapter over. Hope enjoyed. The spy part was an idea suggested from Masterpony117. And yes, I'm still accepting ideas, and will be for the rest of the story unless otherwise noted. Next chapter might be up by next week. End A/N**


	23. Chapter 23, Twikar

**A/N: Chapter 23 here. Hope you enjoy, and wow this chapter is short. :/ End A/N**

Five seconds passed, and it was the end. The electricity was gone, and I felt different.

_'Well that was lame. I probably shouldn't of done that. It was in-complete.'_ I got out, and headed toward the door. I eventually arrived, and opened it, walking outside. I proceeded to walk into the room Twilight was in.

"Hey Twilight." I stated, seeing her sit, with a blank expression on her face.

"Hey." She flatly replied, not even looking at me.

"I'm gonna go go go go go go go-"

"Go, what." She interrupted sternly, slowly looking at me.

"Go go go go go outside." I proceeded to begin walking toward the door.

"You can't go outside, unless I go with you. And I'm _really_, not in the mood right now. So, no."

"Why you not in mood?"

"Because of YOU."

"That makes me feel real good." I proceeded to walk to the stairs, going up-stairs. However, a magical force blocked my path.

"And don't even think about going through the balcony." She stated, glaring at me.

"Alright alright." I then walked into another room, looking for a window. I opened it, and stepped outside, before slowly closing it. "That was too easy..." I began to walk off.

As I was walking, I suddenly felt very faint. I noticed darkness start to surround me, and I passed out very quickly.

_'Screw you.'_

* * *

I didn't see anything. Everything was black.

_'Black. ...Oh lord.'_

I suddenly began to start hearing words in the distance. They slowly got louder, until they eventually started to become recognizable.

"You are Twilight..." It said, somehow sounding like Morgan Freeman.

"I am?"

"You are Twilight..."

"No, I'm Chester Bennington. I believe."

"You are Twilight..."

"Airsoft kid?"

"You are Twilight..."

"I am Twilight..."

"You are Twilight..."

"I am Twilight..."

"NOW WAKE UP FAGGOT."

"AHH! YOU JERK!"

* * *

I opened my eyes, and looked around. I was still in the middle of Ponyville, with quite a few ponies just staring at me.

_'So just stare at me then, not help. *Mental sigh*.'_ I got up, and looked around.

"Nothing to see here!" I loudly stated, before walking off. _'I should probably go check up on Spike...'_

As I was walking, I came across Pinkie Pie. She bounced up to me.

"Hi Jakar!" She stated enthusiastically, stopping a few feet in-front of me. "How are you? Why'd you leave Sugercube Corner so strangely?"

"First off, I'm not who ever this 'Jakar' pony is. I'm Twilight, Pinkie. Maybe you should get your eyes checked. Second, I-"

"Of course you're Jakar! You're the weird looking monkey-man!"

"I am not, Pinkie. Now. Wh-"

"There you are Jakar! You're just the one I need for this." I heard a voice to the left say. I looked and saw Lyra.

"I am not Jakar!" I stated loudly, getting slightly irritated.

"Um, yeah, you are." Lyra replied. "Now, follow me. I need you for something."

"Can I come with you?" Pinkie asked, looking at Lyra.

"I don't see why not." She answered.

"What is it you need me for Lyra?" I asked, looking at her.

"You'll see. Just follow me." She proceeded to walk off, Pinkie bouncing up and down beside her. I followed her, confused as to what she needed me for.

**A/N: Chapter is over, hope you had enjoyed. The 'Jakar thinking he's Twilight' idea was suggested by The pain kane. End A/N**


	24. Chapter 24, Burnin' buildin's mah boi!

**A/N: "Oh my god, an update!?" Yes, I finally updated. So sorry for the very long wait. I had got a case of Writer's Block apparently, and I also became the laziest person in the world. But at least this chapter is _finally_ up. Hope you enjoy. End A/N**

As I followed them, I overheard Pinkie talk.

"...And he was all like 'I'm awesome lolol!' and kept jumping up and down on my oatmeal! So then I talked to him and he was all like 'I'm better than you lolol!' and continued jumping, so I-"

"Could you please stop Pinkie?" I asked, starting to get agitated.

"And then there was blo- huh? Oh! Of course. I'll be as quiet as a mouse! I think... mouses still squeak and all, right?" She replied.

"...Sure they do..." I responded, un-interested. "Now, Lyra. You still haven't said what you need me for."

"I found out how to contact other humans! I mean, not just by letters from typing. But to actually see and hear them!"

"Huh? What do you mean? What's a human?" I asked, confused.

"You're a human! Are you sure you're alright Jakar?" Lyra responded, looking at me.

"What? I am not Jakar! And I'm not whatever a human is."

"Stop being silly Jakar! We all know you are!" Pinkie replied.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT JAKAR!" I shouted, being pissed. I proceeded to sigh, seeing them both looking at me with blank expressions. "Sorry for that."

"Um... if you're not Jakar, then who are you?" Lyra asked, confused.

"I'm Twilight! Can't you tell?" After a few seconds, they started to chuckle. "It's not funny!"

"Actually, I think this might be pretty serious. Maybe we should see Twilight to find out why you keeping thinking you're her." Lyra responded.

"I AM her." I replied. "Look, lets just forget about this. Can you-"

"Chuck Norris!" Pinkie interrupted. I just looked at her for a few seconds, before continuing.

"Can you describe to me what a human is? Is it some kind of animal?"

"Um, sure... it's a different species from another world. They're smart, like us!" It might've just been me, but I couldn't tell if the last words were being sarcastic or not, but I didn't really care at the moment.

"From another world?" I asked, confused and anxious.

"Yeah..." Lyra replied. I began to feel a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"And you're talking to them?" I quickly asked.

"Yeah, I've been doing that." She answered. I suddenly began to panic.

"What if they track us down here? And they start to over-run us! We have to stop them before it's too late!" I quickly stated, glancing around.

"Calm down! That's not going to happen. Most of them are just fat and have no life anyway. You're over-reacting." Lyra replied.

"No I'm not! I don't think you see how real this can get! I have to get back to the library! I need to find anything I can about humans." I quickly began to run off in that direction.

"Wait! Come back here! You don't have to worry about it!" Lyra yelled, but I was already far gone. She just sighed, before looking at Pinkie. "Are you still coming with me?"

"Yep!"

* * *

I eventually arrived at the library. I burst through the doors, glancing around. I stepped back a little, seeing Twilight just standing at the door-way, staring at me.

"...Twilight?" I asked, confused. 'But.. I'm Twilight.' She didn't respond, and levitated me. "H-Hey! Are you a changling!? Get me down!" I began to panic, trying to perform a spell on her. I noticed nothing was happening, and started to get scared and confused. "What are you doing!? Why isn't my ma-"

"Just SHUT UP." She loudly interrupted, seeming pissed.

"What!? I demand you get me down now! We can be in great danger!"

"Yeah, sure. YOU'RE the dangerous one here." She replied, beginning to walk up a pair of stairs. Not knowing what else to do, I began glancing around for anything useful. I managed to find a nearby candle hanging on the wall, and picked it up, before throwing it at the imposter Twilight's horn. She yelped in pain, dropping me from the magicy stuff. To my dismay, however, the candle rolled over to a curtain, beginning to light it on fire.

"Oh no NO **NO!**" Twilight shouted, running toward the candle. She picked it up, and blew it out, but it was too late. The fire quickly engulfed the curtain, until suddenly in less than a second the whole place was on fire, and burning down.

_'Wow fire really does spread fast.'_

"AHHHH! NO MY BOOKS!" Twilight shouted, her voice cracking. She begin to panic, scrambling to pick up books, before tripping on the ground, dropping them all.

_'I need to look in the H section!'_ I ran around the library, before eventually coming across it. _'Hummus, How to deal with Horny Stallions, Hell in Equestria, How to take in the 12 inch c-'_ I was cut off by a large piece of wood falling in-front of me, causing me to jump back.

"Darnit!" I shouted, looking around. I had to get out; the place was falling apart. I looked, and saw the open door-way out of the building, and a window next to it. I ran, and jumped through the window, shards of glass impaling into me, as I badassedly rolled out of the building. I turned to look, to see Twilight and Spike outside already, watching the fire. A large group of ponies had also arrived, watching the building collapse in on itself.

"...M-my library..." Twilight muttered, staring at the burning building in shock, starting to tremble.

_'So much knowledge gone to waste. Oh and I should probably leave now.'_ I quickly began running away, just wanting to get away from the horrorish scene for now.

**A/N: Chapter 24 over. Hope you enjoyed. Was it worth the very long wait? Probably not, but it's better than nothing. Hopefully it won't take too long to get the next one up. End A/N**


	25. Chapter 25, GAME OVER MAN GAME OVER

**A/N: Chapter twenty-five finally here. I hope you enjoy. End A/N**

As I got away, I looked around.

_'__How can I get any knowledge about humans with the library burnt down? There has to be some other source for information.' _I continued looking around, before it hit me. I didn't need to be looking for information at the moment. I had to get to Lyra and stop her from whatever she's doing! I quickly began to run off in the direction of Lyra's house.

As I arrived, I burst through the front door.

"Lyra!?" I shouted, looking around. As I ran into one of the other rooms, I saw her and Pinkie Pie in there, looking at some screen.

"Hey glad to see you finally made it! This idiot didn't believe me when I said I had Jakar, so-"

"You have to stop!" I looked at the screen, to see I was already too late. "Damnit! Out of the way!" I began to run up, before jump-kicking the mess of what look liked to be a makeshift computer, destroying it. Lyra just stared at me, before suddenly getting very agitated.

"Jakar what the buck!? I finally get a web-cam working and this is what you do!?" Lyra loudly stated.

"Hey, I'm sorry, but this had to be done."

"No it didn't you idiot! Ugh..."

"Hey c'mon Lyra! Cheer up!" Pinkie spoke up. "You can always make another one, and I'll help you!"

"Well... I guess you can do that. But it's still a fagget move what Jakar did."

"...Stop calling me Jakar..." I mumbled pissedly, Lyra looking at me again.

"Okay something's definitely wrong with you. I'd have Twilight-" Suddenly I heard the front door burst open. As I turned my head, I literally saw the front door fly into the room. _'Who the hell-'_

"**JAKAR!**" I heard Twilight scream, the entire house shaking.

"Whoa she sounds pissed. I better leave..." Lyra muttered, slowly backing away, before Twilight ran in. She glared at me, her whole body shaking with rage. She went to speak up, but just shook and mumbled, seemingly over-flowing with rage.

"Um... Hi?" I slowly said, before Twilight started screaming, crazily running after me. Before I could react, I felt her hoof slam against my face at the speed of light, instantly knocking me out, and probably fuckin up mah skull in the process.

* * *

Everything was black. I couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't feel, couldn't even shit. Blackness surrounded me, engulfing me, haunting me, and stealing my wallet.

_'Racist. Wait, I can't think. Ah fuck logic anyway.' _I began to feel a few things and stuffs, as I saw a distant light off in the distance. _'__Am I waking up? Or am I feeling that stuff when you go all out on weed and crack at the same time.'_ I began to feel what I recognized as my eyes opening, the light growing brighter. Eventually, they were completely open, my vision more blurry than 144p. Over time however it cleared up, and I looked around. I appeared to be in some hospital bed. _'Ew hospitals. They always remind me of hostile pits.'_ I then noticed some white pony with a pinkish mane and tail walk over to me.

"I'm glad to see you're finally awake." She said, her voice echoing. _'Weird shit.'_

"And I'm glad to see you haven't killed the messenger." I replied. Suddenly she began shouting, putting on a pair of awesome shades.

"YOU HAVE BEEN IN A COMA FOR TWENTY-FOUR YEARS!11 YOU ARE THE HOLY ONE! YOU MUST KICK ASS AGAINST THE ZORG AND SAVE US ALL FROM CERTAIN AHH DEATH!" She proceeded to chuck a Model 1887 to me, which I badassedly jumped up and grabbed, while doing a couple flips.

"FUCK YEAH!" I shouted, landing on my foots. I proceeded to burst through the near-by window, and saw some alien thing. I shot it, blowing it apart. "LIEK A BAWSS!" I looked behind me to see Twilight, who began yelling.

"WHAT ARE YOU-"

"BOOM!" I shouted, shooting her head off. "LIEK A VAMPIRE!" I looked around me, and noticed a meteor was headed straight for me from the red sky. I proceeded to shoot it, blowing it apart. "LIEK AN OVERPOWERED CALL OF DUTY WEAPON!" The pieces of the meteor went flying everywhere, destroying everything in sight. I then noticed Big Mac walk up to me.

"Eeyup. Wake up now."

"What?" He then hit me in the face, knocking me out. Well, I thought he knocked me out, but in reality that shit was just some dream. I opened my eyes, to find myself in the hospital again.

_'Damnit. God damn vivid dream shit.'_ I looked around, and saw that same white pony walk over to me.

"I'm glad to see you're finally awake." She stated, smiling. "You've been unconscious for quite some time now."

"So has the Walt Disney guy."

"What..? Actually, nevermind. Pinkie told me you can act weird and random."

"Kewl. Now dafooq am I doing up in this bed?"

"Well, your skull cracked when Twilight hit you. With the help of magic, though, it was fixed. You should be fine for now."

"Dayyyuuuum! Dat be a crazy bitch." She proceeded to frown.

"You burnt down her library, and all the books inside. It's only normal for somepony to lose control like that."

"Mmmkayyeah."

"But anyway, Princess Celestia is here to see you."

"Princess who?"

"Celestia. She's here to send you back, or something."

"Say whaaaaaaa?" The white horse I remember seeing a long time ago proceeded to walk in, smiling at me.

"Hello Jakar." She stated, walking over to me.

"Booom... heheh..."

"You have been in a coma for a couple days. Since then, I have learned and perfected the spell that will bring you back to your world."

"Aww mayne fuck dat shit."

"I am sorry, but it has to be done. You-"

"I SAID FUCK DAT SHIT DAMNIT!" I proceeded to jump from the bed, a bunch of wirey stuff flying off of me as I did. I suddenly began to see dots in my eyes, before I blacked out, passing out. _'Fuck my life.'_

When I woke up, I was being pinned against a wall by magic. I looked, and saw Twilight to be the source. The white horse was next to her, speaking up.

"Now that you are awake, I can begin the spell." She stated.

"I SAID FUCK DAT SHIT GOD DAMNIT!" I proceeded to forcefully throw up, my smelly barf hitting Twilight. she yelped and screamed, falling backwards, the magic around me disappearing. _'Liek a bawss.'_ I proceeded to begin running, before Celestia grabbed me with her magic.

"You aren't going anywhere." I proceeded to slowly turn to her.

"Or am I..?" I slowly began to bend my neck, smiling creepily. She just looked disturbed, before pinning me against the wall again. "Because, you know, technically I'm going somewhere because you're sending me back." I proceeded to put on some nerd glasses. "NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERDED!"

"Enough." She simply replied, levitating the nerd glasses away. I just frowned.

"Noooo! Not deh nerdy glasses! You PRICK!"

"Twilight. I need you to hold him still again while I send him back."

"On it." Twilight replied, trying to levitate some of the nasty barf away. She seemed to fail horribly, and gave up, starting to hold me in place again. I looked at her.

"Huehuehue."

"Oh shut up. I'm glad I'm never ever going to have to see you again." She replied.

"Oh but you will in the sequel." I proceeded to put on a pair of shades. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH-"

"Enough!" Celestia loudly stated again, seeming a little irritated. "Now. Let me begin." Her horn began to glow with a yellowish light, it starting to engulf me. I then looked back at Twilight.

"Hey Twilight."

"What." She responded, un-interested.

"Back when I said Jakarf. I meant jack off. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" My ha seemed to fade out, as everything went black. It was as if everything that had just happened was a dream, and I was just starting to wake up. It was as if I was entering something different, and leaving behind something old. Basically like when you wake up from a very lucid dream.

_'...And that's how Equestria was made.'_

**A/N: Final chapter, twenty-five complete. Sorry if it was a bit unexpected, but with the lack of updates and everything, I figured it was time. I really hope all of you enjoyed.  
Now for some shoutouts!:**

Newnawn for a small line idea, in which I used when Jakar says "THAT BASTARD SPIKE IS A SPY!"

**the pane kane for the idea where Jakar thinks he's Twilight. **

**And ShiningShadow1965 for reviewing every single chapter of this story.**

Again, I really hoped you all enjoyed. Thank every single one of you for reading. End final A/N


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